By MICHAEL BOYLAN
mboylan@thecitizennews.com

I saw a special viewing of “Gladiator” the other day that I just have to tell you about.

The screening was held at the dollar theater, but the price wasn’t what made it so great. What made the film so special was the fact that I got a running commentary during the film. No, it wasn’t from the writer or director or even from Russell Crowe, the star. It was from some guy who had seen the movie before and it ruled.

See, the guy sat behind me, came in late and then proceeded to talk to his buddies (loudly) about who “the man” was. The “man” was the hero, Maximus, which had I not heard this fact from the commentator behind me I might never have known, even though I got to the theater on time and saw the film from its very beginning.

I was sure glad to have the guy’s words helping me through the film, though. It was like watching WWF, but set in Ancient Rome and with swords. Some times, the guy behind me would tell me when a good part was coming up, so I could be sure to watch it. I didn’t miss a thing, visually.

I also knew from the get-go who the bad guy was, thanks to my own private color commentator. He would use all sorts of mild profanities to describe Emperor Commodus, so I knew he was a bad guy and not to be trusted. Some people asked him to be quiet, as they didn’t want to have a running dialogue throughout the film, but lucky for me, he didn’t shut up. In fact, he got real indignant and acted like he was offended that people didn’t want to hear what he had to say. Good for him — after all, he was the one who had something to offer. Everybody else was just sitting there watching the film for themselves.

Eventually, somebody brought in one of the staff members of the theater to quiet him down, and it worked. The commentary was over for the most part, but hopefully, he’ll be there when I go to see “The Patriot” when it comes to the dollar theater, because I don’t know if the guys in red are the good guys or the bad guys.
OK, I’ll stop being sarcastic now and just vent.

What is wrong with people? Just because you didn’t see the “Please Be Quiet” graphic before the film, you think they dropped the rule? They didn’t. There is still a thing called common courtesy and you should practice it. I know I only spent a dollar on the film, but it was still a dollar partially wasted because I had to listen to some moron jaw on about how much he likes this movie.

This isn’t the only film that this has happened to me to and I’m sure you, dear readers, have experienced similar situations. Admit it, you have had to ask people to be quiet and usually it doesn’t work. In fact, some people that you tell to quiet down insist on picking an argument or fight with you. It is a movie theater, not a road house, and just because I bought a ticket to “Chicken Run,” that doesn’t mean I want to fight to defend my right to watch it in silence.

If you are a movie talker, please understand that when we ask you to quiet down, we are not challenging you, or saying that you are a bad human being or a bad parent. We are just asking you to shut up. If you like to talk during a movie, rent a video.

And one more plea — leave the kids at home when you go to a film like “Gladiator.” It was no secret that it was going to be a violent and gory film. It is rated R and each review I saw said it was very bloody. There were at least 10 children under the age of 10 in the theater this weekend and that is just irresponsible. You wouldn’t take your children to “Basic Instinct,” which is full of sex and violence, so don’t take them to something that is just violent.

That’s all for this week. I feel much better now that I have vented. Until next time, I’ll see you at the movies and I won’t be shy in telling you to shut up.

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