By MICHAEL BOYLAN
mboylan@thecitizennews.com

I am an idiot.

There are things that I do that I cannot explain.

I have locked my keys in my car several times. And twice in the past three months I have left my ATM card in the machine.

I have left something on top of my car and driven off.

I misplace my keys, my wallet and my sunglasses on a weekly basis. I also have trouble finding the remote(s).

I wear at least one of my socks inside out once a month.

I often push on doors that clearly say pull.

I have also been known, on occasion, to stop at green lights. In fact, once, I stayed stopped at a stop sign. I guess I was waiting for it to turn green.

Last week, I got a slide burn going down a friend's water slide, backward and head first.

And I am not ashamed.

I am not the only idiot out there.

Some of you readers are the same people that drive down the parking lanes that have “up” arrows. Some of you are the people who bring their infants to Rated R movies. In fact, some of you are infants at Rated R movies. There are plenty of idiots out there, but few who will admit it.

Everyone is an idiot.

Even you.

If you don't think so, you are in denial.

Of course you're an idiot. Take one minute and think of something stupid that you said or did in the last week. Heck, name the stupid thing you did today.

None of us can claim to be a genius all the time. Sometimes we forget a major ingredient of a cake or blast ourselves with the hose and then pretend like we meant to do that. (Not this summer, of course).

So, now that we are all idiots, let's collectively get off that high horse.

Come on now, we're all pretty saddle sore.

We are not right all the time. We are idiots and idiots, by definition, cannot be right all the time (unless they are like “Rain Man,” but he was an idiot savant who could only drive slow in the driveway. He is an excellent driver.

But back to the topic at hand, since we're not right all the time, we should really stop trying to run or judge other people's lives. After all, we could be wrong. And really, isn't doing the wrong thing what makes us idiots in the first place.

Nobody really likes being an idiot.

We all strive to cut down our dumbness and be the opposite of an idiot, which is cool.

We all want everything to be cool.

We don't want any problems and we want the least amount of hassle possible.

So why do we have such a hard time mellowing out and why do we always want to share in other people's problems?

No, it's not because we're idiots. At least, not all the time.

It is because we are human. Sometimes humans aren't mellow and sometimes humans enjoy craning their necks at car accidents, but sometimes we do something really amazing and help somebody out or make their day brighter.

Life is about being an idiot, acknowledging this and wanting to be cool.

Now, go and live your life and try to pay more attention to things.

Idiot.

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