By DAVE HAMRICK
Editor-at-large

All right, Fayettevillians, there's good news and there's bad news for those of you who are concerned about the Hooters issue.

The bad news (for those who oppose Hooters) is that the Fayetteville Planning Commission would be hanging by a very thin thread, legally speaking, if it were to deny a development plan for Hooters based on moral issues.

The commission has no legal leg to stand on if it turns down a restaurant because its wait staff is scantily clad and its logo is offensive to the sensitive.

True, the city does have an ordinance that regulates sexually oriented establishments — basically regulates them right out of town — and it could possibly be argued that Hooters is a sexually oriented establishment. But in order for that ordinance to hold up in court, it has to be very specifically worded as to which body parts can and can't be shown, how much touching between customers and performers (er, I mean waitresses) is allowed, and that sort of thing.

I'm no legal expert, but I think the commission would find itself shockingly exposed, legally, if it denied Hooters on those sorts of grounds.

The good news, for opponents, is that there are so many other hurdles the Hooters people will have to get over that I will be very surprised if we ever see the old owl eyes winking at us as we drive along Highway 85.

Hurdle number 1: The proposed site for the restaurant is smack across the street from Kids R Kids day care center.

That's an emotional issue for opponents, who argue that allowing sexually oriented establishments into town sets a bad example for the younger set. With the restaurant's back side right in plain view of a school, fuel is naturally added to that flame.

But getting down to the bare legal issues that the commission must deal with, the question is whether the day care center qualifies as a school, because establishments that serve alcohol are not allowed within 300 feet of schools.

Hurdle number 2: If that question is resolved in favor of Hooters, then there are the itty bitty, nitty gritty technical issues that the Planning Commission deals with every week. Fayetteville's planners are famous (or infamous, depending upon your point of view) for making companies, especially franchise type businesses, toe the line on the fine points of the city's architectural standards.

Hooters, like so many before it, came to the city with a building that looks like an amusement park, asking the city to vary its standards so the company can put forth its corporate image.

Not gonna happen.

A franchise building that is identifiable as such is nothing but a great big sign, and Fayetteville's sign laws allow only one small sign per building.

If it wants to live in Fayetteville, Hooters is going to have to redraw its plans so that its building fits Fayetteville's image, rather than asking the city to redraw its ordinances so the city will fit Hooters' image.

Hurdle number 3: There is the small matter of some major improvements on Banks Road, required of JDN Development Corp., developer of the shopping center Hooters wants to nest in.

JDN made some of the required improvements, but more are required in its development agreement with the city before anymore businesses can be added to the center. JDN is in financial trouble, so don't expect to see those improvements tomorrow or the next day.

I have been blown out of the water before on predictions like this, and if it happens this time, I'll eat my crow pie next week.

But I'll be amazed if the commission approves the development plan next week. I give it about a 40 percent chance of outright denial, and a 60 percent chance of being tabled so the company can try and work out the problems with city ordinances.

Until those problems are dealt with, Hooters is flapping in the breeze.

Meanwhile, people who are not so opposed to Hooters are kind of quietly hoping the deal goes through so that Fayetteville will have a sports bar. In addition to scantily clad waitresses, most Hooters locations also have a bunch of big screen TV's tuned to sporting events, so the patrons will have something to look at while the waitresses are in the kitchen turning in orders, I suppose.

There's not really a good sports bar in Fayetteville. There are some restaurants with TV's, but they're not set up so that every seat can see, and they're not all big screens.

I'll bet if someone were to come up with a plan for a sports bar/restaurant with a different name and different logo and it met all the city's architectural guidelines and was built in a properly zoned location (preferably one of the many empty commercial buildings around town), it would be approved with hardly a stir.

And if that person had plans to dress waitresses in hot pants and halters, that wouldn't be an issue, because there's no place in the city's approval process where the developer is asked, “What exactly will your waitresses (or waiters) be wearing?”

The objection to Hooters seems to be that it's so... well, out there.

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