By MICHAEL BOYLAN
mboylan@thecitizennews.com

According to a recent article in The New York Times, the Pokemon craze is wearing down.

Quarterly ratings figures show that episodes of the animated series are down nearly a million viewers both on weekday mornings and afternoons and Saturday mornings. That's even more shocking to the creators in light of the fact that the sequel to their hit movie is scheduled to be released in two weeks. They are frantically running around Hollywood and Tokyo wondering if there will be anyone in the theaters.

It is clear what I must do: Invent the new craze that will sweep children off their feet and their parents' money into my bank account. I shall call my billion-dollar creation — Country Monkeys!

The theme song: They're roommates, they're bunkies/ in school they all were flunkies/ They laugh a lot and play all day/ They're the country monkeys. (Repeat 12 times speeding up each time).

What is Country Monkeys all about? The story takes place in a mythical land called Recluvinon. There are four monkey brothers; Doe, Ree, Tow and Sss. (Get the tie in? These monkeys will be selling everything). The four brothers are good-natured and kind of stupid, but when their friends in Recluvinon get in trouble, the brothers team up and form Monculus, a giant robotic ape capable of crushing any opposition and flying.

If it sounds like Voltron and the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, that's because it is like those two programs. Pokemon was so successful because it blended lots of old plot lines and character studies together. It was also successful because it built the craze up from ground zero, which is what I intend to do.

Country Monkeys will start as a hand-held video game, progress to a trading card game, become an animated series, a set of choose-your-own-adventure books, stuffed animals, collectable figurines and, finally, hit movies.

Here's a scene from the pilot episode of Country Monkeys. The episode is entitled, “Dr. Jackyl's Cave of Terror.”

Doe: Come on, you monkeys, let's go in this cave and rescue Zebra Gabor.

Tow: I'm a-scared, Doe. This cave looks creepy.

Ree: We're not scaredy cats, we're the Country Monkeys and we're not afraid of anything.

Sss: I'm afraid of heights.

Doe: That's it! It's time to form Monculus and show Dr. Jackyl who's boss (holds fist up high). By the power of Monkeys,

Ree: From all over the country

Tow: It's time to get funky

Sss: And become -

All: (booming voices) Monculus !!

Gripping, isn't it? All I have to do is find the financial backing to get the ball rolling. If you know anybody who has lots of money to spend (or anybody that works for the Frito-Lay Corporation and can get me a meeting), have them give me a call at the paper.

I also have ideas for the Country Monkeys on Ice Spectacular, the Country Monkeys Billiards and Darts Tournament, Country Monkeys Psychic Phone Lines, and the Country Monkeys Breakfast Wheels. The Breakfast Wheels are solidified bars of cereal, eggs, toast, breakfast meats and milk, shaped like the Country Monkeys.

And I promise that I will spend a portion of my immense profits on developing Country Monkey Land. The amusement park will be a wonderful, handicap-accessible park with rides based on the television series and products. Patrons can tour the Breakfast Wheel plant or even the animation factory. There will be 15 roller coasters based on each episode of the show and a humongous indoor ferris wheel illustrating the Country Monkeys' evolution from primates to preventers of evil.

I will also form several foundations to help the less fortunate citizens of the world. There will be the Country Monkeys Assistance for Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, the Country Monkeys Showbiz Child Fund, and the Country Monkeys Plastic Surgery Undoing Foundation.

Help my dream and the dreams of others come true. When you see Country Monkeys hit the market, buy as much as you can and try to steer your children to these wonderful programs and products.

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