By AMY RILEY
One Citizen's Perspective

At the June 19 Fayette County Board of Education meeting, school board member Woody Shelnutt asked Superintendent John DeCotis to look into the possibility of establishing a new policy addressing parental notification for certain violations to the student code of conduct.

Previously, parental notification was generally reserved for incidences which threatened the lives of others, such as when a student brings a weapon to school or makes specific threats against fellow students or staff.

Mr. Shelnutt said he has raised the issue in response to phone calls he has received from a number of parents regarding other types of behavioral code violations, specifically sexual improprieties, when they are committed in the presence of other students.

While clearly the school cannot possibly notify parents of every conduct breach that children may be exposed to, it should be mandatory to notify parents of children who may have been witness to a blatant sexual act on school premises.

This past spring, on a Rising Star school bus, parents allege that two middle-school-aged children engaged in oral sex on a bus carrying other children, including high school students, to school. The act reportedly occurred in full view of other students on the bus, but was not seen by the bus driver. Barbara Bakelaar, principal of Rising Star Middle, confirmed that a “sexual impropriety did occur on a bus between two eighth graders on the way to school.”

The incident was brought to the attention of the assistant principle, Bob Ferguson, by another student on the bus. According to Bakelaar, the students were “disciplined, counseled, and [their] parents were notified that day.”

Wayne Robinson, director of secondary education, confirms that the students were indeed suspended for the remainder of the school year. Mr. Robinson reports that there have been three other cases of sexual impropriety committed on school property in the last three years, but none of those were committed in the presence of other students.

In the Rising Star case, where other students were present, Mrs. Bakelaar confirms, “We did not notify the parents of the [other] children on that bus,” but adds that in the future, she will look to any directives from the superintendent as to how to proceed should a similar situation occur again.

In all fairness, while parents are justifiably concerned, this is not just a school problem. Other parents in the community are reporting that they are intercepting sexually graphic e-mails and instant messages that are being sent among young students. Still others are reporting finding condoms in play parks and around neighborhood pools.

Unsubstantiated rumors abound, as parents scramble to confront their worst fears about what it must be like to grow up in this lost generation. Most recognize that we are pretty lucky here in Fayette. Most young people are on the right track, most parents are actively involved, but many parents recognize the need to be open about the realities of teen sexual behavior and implore the schools to be forthright when they see troubling incidences occur.

“We know you're up against tough situations, and we want to be a part of the solution,” states one parent. What for some is only fodder for gossip, for others is fodder for change. “We can't combat what we don't know,” adds another. We can't slay invisible dragons.

A parental notification policy is a necessary first step, but know that sexual improprieties on school property are rare — most of the responsibility for supervision rests on parents. When something does happen, like the bus incident, talk about it with your children. Mistakes are teachable moments.

Convey to children that society may have taught them that sexual behavior brings them maturity, peer acceptance and pleasure, but what it really brings in these tender years is regret, fear and loneliness. Teach them that it is never too late to reclaim purity — that just because you may have made one mistake doesn't mean you have to do it again.

Recognize that we are facing a societal “disconnect,” an amoral component to early sexual behavior, where even good kids sometimes do bad things, despite being taught quite differently at home. Oral sex is not even considered sex by many young people (thank you, Bill Clinton), and is viewed as “safe” sex by others, despite the very real risk of sexually transmitted diseases.

Parents of teens who share a peer group should form peer groups of their own for purposes of “covering each other's backs” when it comes to teen behavior. Parents could promise to inform each other if they become aware of destructive behaviors within their child's peer group, with the understanding that feelings will not be hurt, that we won't blame each other, or maliciously communicate our information outside the confines of our group.

Don't be afraid to call and check up on children when they go to another child's house. That is not an affront to trust — it's a policy for security. Community awareness if the first step to deterrence, and we must all be part of the solution.

[Your comments are welcome: ARileyFreePress@aol.com.]

Back to Opinion Home Page | Back to the top of the page