By PAT NEWMAN
pnewman@thecitizennews.com

I've always done things “by the book.”

I chose my college from the Blue Book, furnished my house with the help of Spiegel's catalog and learned how to effectively cloth-diaper a baby from a paperback guide.

I was thrilled when “The Worst-Case Scenario” (survival handbook) hit the stands just days before my departure for the remote mountain regions of Guatemala. According to Murphy's Law, anything that can go wrong will, and I wanted to be ready. The only problem was locating this lifesaver before departure. It was only after I returned home that I bought the book.

Some of the advice offered by the authors is quite handy, and I definitely could have benefited from the piece on how to jump from a moving car. Careening down rocky, perilous mountain roads at 120 kilometers with a 10-ton semi barreling towards you triggers instant panic. If I had known how to bail out safely, I certainly would have.

The authors warn that this maneuver should be considered only as a last resort. The simple six-step procedure is as follows: 1) apply the emergency brake 2) open the car door 3) make sure you jump at an angle that will take you out of the path of the car 4) tuck in your head and your arms and your legs 5) aim for a soft landing site: grass, brush, wood chips, anything but pavement - or a tree 6) roll when you hit the ground. (From chapter 3, page 82, leaps of faith).

Without these handy instructions, I feared jumping improperly and instead, prayed, gripped onto anything in the vehicle not moving, and shut my eyes — at least once every five minutes.

The idea of being lost in the mountains never crossed my mind, considering the driver's navigational experience. But there were times when the promised arrival time of 30 minutes grew increasingly into hours. “How long until the next town?” “Thirty minutes,” was Lorenzo's stock reply. We soon understood that 30 minutes Guatemalan time could run anywhere from 45 minutes to two and a half hours.

In “chapter 5, adventure survival, page 146” the intrepid authors advise 1) do not panic 2) find shelter and stay warm and dry 3) signal rescuers for help 4) do not wander far 5) if you get frostbite, do not rewarm the affected area until you are out of danger.

Fortunately, there was no need to worry about large, wild animals, as we only came in contact with the occasional rabid dog, wandering cow, goat, sheep or burro. The insects were easily annihilated with a shoe and no reptiles were spotted. But if you have to deal with a charging bull (chapter 2, page 64, the best defense) 1) do not antagonize the bull and do not move 2) look around for a safe haven - an escape route, cover or high ground 3) If a safe haven is not available, remove your shirt, hat or another article of clothing to distract the bull 4) if the bull charges, remain still and then throw your shirt or hat away from you. Good luck and bon voyage.

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