BY PAT NEWMAN
pnewman@thecitizennews.com

Mothers were put on this earth to give advice. Some words of wisdom have been passed down from generation to generation like “do your best”” and sleep eight hours a night.” Other sage snippets like “always wear flip flops in a public shower” and “never wear synthetics” are more personalized.

My mother has certainly dished out her quota of advice over the years, but there is only one mom in America whose daughter has actually recorded it and made it available to the world on CD.

“Amy's Answering Machine” is a 30 minute collection of advice offered by Amy Borkowsky's mother via her telephone recorder. Such gems as “I know you're going to the Department of Motor Vehicles today...you know they have very long lines, so be sure and empty your bladder before you leave the house.” (Paraphrased from the original whiny directive.) And “...it's (9:00, where are you? You've got to get up for work tomorrow” are edited from nearly 20 years of advice left by Mrs. Borkowsky on Amy's machine.

It's available on the web site of msnbc.com through the Today Show link. It's not sold in stores. As Mother's Day approaches, it's appropriate to think about the advice our own mothers and mother-figures have delivered to us over the years. More importantly, how much of it did we accept and use, and how much advice fell to the wayside allowing the all-familiar refrain, “I told you so,” to come back and haunt us?

I remember one life-altering conversation my best friend had with her mother on the eve of her wedding. Mother: “Don't marry him, darling. You're too good for him. It's not too late to call it off. We can freeze the shrimp.” Daughter: “But Mom, I love him. I want to get married.” All this as she irons the train of her wedding gown. Fast forward 20 years and three kids later. Daughter: “He wants a divorce... he also wants the house, the kids, all three television sets, the Nintendo and the bug zapper.”

My mother has taken the “find out for yourself, it's your life” approach to advice. The downside has been a lifetime of trial and error, the upside has been laundry list of advice I can offer my own children based on real experience.

With two teenage boys under my wing and a precocious eight year-old daughter, I've begun spooning it out in small but potent doses. Don't ride your bike up the trunk of tree, take messages and write them down when you answer the phone, always say please and thank you, avoid wearing clothing imprinted with the Confederate flag, choking can be avoided my taking tiny bites, soda cans and candy wrappers stored under the bed attracts ants, don't buy shoes too big or too small just because they look cool, don't smoke or drink, etc. etc. May at least one of my children take this advice to heart and be smart enough to cash in on it in 20 years. I'll be waiting for my share.

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