By BILLY MURPHY
Laugh Lines

The end of high school is just a hop, skip and a jump away, and I'm sure there are a lot of serious, worried seniors out there, sweating to pass their high school graduation test. So, as a primer, I offer this practice exam to prepare you for your impending college experience.

Math portion:

1. If you multiply Brittany's BMW 320si by Matt's 300ZX and subtract from the points scored against McIntosh's football team, do you have a positive or negative number?

2. There are 1,200 new freshman at the University of Georgia. Senior fraternity brothers Bruno and Rocko have tortured 300 freshman this week. What percentage of freshman have been tortured so far by Bruno and Rocko?

3. You get a weekly college allowance of $75 on Saturday. You have already spent $72 by Monday. How much groceries can you buy, using your dad's BP gas card?

Life skills:

4. You are on your first job interview and you get a call on your cell phone. Do you: A. Ignore it? B. Answer it and tell them to call back later? C. Ask the interviewer to leave so you can have some privacy?

5. Which costs more: A. Five loads of laundry? B. Two science text books? C. One fake I.D.?

6. You receive your student loan check; do you: A. Go straight to the business office and apply it to your school account? B. Go straight to Rich's and have a shopping spree? C. Go straight to the Internet and invest it in your freshman roommate's IPO?

Extra credit:

7. Your friend has a guy's phone number that you want. Which would save the most time: A. Calling your friend's pager and leaving the number to your cell phone, so she can call and leave the number on your voice mail? B. Sending your friend an e-mail, telling her to fax your computer with the number? C. Walk across the hall to her room and get it?

8. Which is the most prestigious career choice: A. Peachtree City Amphitheater security guard for concerts that feature old, chubby, washed-up rock stars? B. Fast Food security guard protecting the recipe for McDonald's Secret Sauce? C. Fayette County High School security guard watching over freshman nerds using the computer lab to hack into the lottery system?

9. Maggie from Sandy Creek High School trades her blouse from Macy's for a sweater from Sears with Jessie from McIntosh High School. Who got the better deal? (This is a trick question: McIntosh High School girls would never own clothes from Sears.)

[Visit Billy Murphy on the Internet at http://www.billymurphy.com.]

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