By BILLY MURPHY
Laugh Lines

If you were in Shadow's restaurant recently and thought you saw Richard Simmons and Arnold Schwarzenegger together, it was just me and the owner-operator from World Gym, Dar Thompson, having breakfast. I aim to give a regular report, (sort of a “pump-a-logue”) on my progress since I joined the gym last November and I want to report that I have made it to Richard Simmons status. Dar is the one who resembles “Ah-nuld.”

As we sat across from each other, Dar eating some fresh cantaloupe, me eating a plate of cooked animal and over easy bird-zygote, I learned that World Gym was pretty much started by the aforementioned Terminator himself; out in La-La land. I am an Arnold freak, seeing every movie he has made, so I took the opportunity sending quizzes every which way.

Dar is twice connected to Schwarzenegger, being good friends with Arnold's nephew from Austria and his professional connection through World Gym. While Dar has a lot in common with the original Conan, such as body building and acting, I, like Richard Simmons, wear shorts too much out of context, and have woman-curly-hair (that's why I buzz it off).

I found it interesting having breakfast with someone from such a different background as me. Dar grew up close to here in College Park but actually found his claim to fame from playing ice hockey (at the old complex in Shenandoah/Newnan) After playing in Colorado and then Seattle, he found himself in commercials and television. He was actually in a Chevrolet “Like a Rock,” truck commercial during a Brave's World Series years ago. He also had stints in “Diagnosis Murder” and “The Bold and the Beautiful.”

Not to brag, but I was on a movie set one time. And the director walked right up to me and told me to get the heck out of his shot. I never saw the movie, but I think I was left on the cutting room floor.

As we continued breakfast I thought about what it would be like if Arnold Schwarzenegger and Richard Simmons really had breakfast together. It would go something like this:

“What's wrong with you, you girly man?” Arnold says.

“The coffee's too hot,” Richard responds and then asks. “How do you get rid of all your body hair? I have awful patches on my back”

Arnold quips, “It is simple... I just scald it off with hot coffee!” as he takes Richard's cup of joe and pours it down his tank top.

“Ahhh!” Richard yelps like school girl at a Barbie party. “That was so mean, Arnold. Forget about me inviting you to my `Deal a Meal' info-mercial; I'll just call Cher.”

I snap back to reality as the Shadow's waitress slaps me back to reality. “Finish those last six sausages,” she says. But, I don't. I am too excited about my recent progress. To make matters even more exciting, World Gym is set to be featured in a “bit” with Arnold at the Academy Awards. I wasn't invited for the filming though.

A lot of people don't know it, but in addition to World Gym's immense line of state of the art equipment, they have a kid's workout area with scaled-down machines for children aged 8 to 13. They offer a program, not about building bulk but about giving these younger kids flexibility, stamina and, most importantly, confidence.

And, it's not only for kids. My confidence gets a boost too, every time I sneak into the kid's area and challenge them to “strength battles.” I beam with pride when I can do the two extra reps and show some 8-year-old girl how to be a man.

With confident intact, I am looking forward to moving up to the next stage of “pumpitude”: beyond Richard Simmons status and to the level of Bea Arthur. And maybe if I work just hard enough, next time I'll be able to take that 13-year-old.

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