By SALLIE SATTERTHWAITE
Lifestyle Columnist

Continued from last week...

Shortly before Christmas, I referred a distantly related correspondent to another far-removed cousin I had swapped data with, but had never met.

She forwarded to me the letter she got back: “Gloria, I regret to inform you that Donald passed away on April 23rd, 1999. I really don't know anything about his research, but will put your message in a folder that I hope to get to someday to try to help out people such as yourself. My problem is that he had so many PAF [Personal Ancestral File] folders that I have difficulty finding any one particular line. Happy holidays.

“Beth Spidell”

Stunned, I wrote at once: “Dear Beth Spidell,

“(I don't want to assume you are Mrs. Donald, but I suspect you are.) Gloria P__ wrote you, at my suggestion, and then relayed to me your message concerning Don's death. I am so very sorry. Your husband very kindly sent me genealogical information several times between summer of 1997 and spring of 1998, after seeing a posting I placed on a Web site. In just a few short messages, he made me feel like family (cousins!) and connected a few other researchers with me and I with them.

“His documentation was meticulous and his sense of humor delightful. I'm sure you heard his `Wise and Wonderful' joke. Once, in apologizing for not responding quickly, he alluded to an incident concerning moving, a Jeep Cherokee, and a 5 1/2 foot rattlesnake! I never did hear the stories, but I bet they were startling.

“I hope he was not ill long — I can't even guess his age — and that he had the full life that his correspondence implied. Please accept the heartfelt condolences of one whose life is diminished by the passing of a man she never even met.”

She wrote back quickly, giving me a clue that Don was a physician: “Dear Sallie,

“Yes, I am his wife — we almost made it to 35 years (that was the day of the funeral). Don got sick January 30th and died April 23rd. He had acute pancreatitis, plus double pneumonia which set in within a few days of hospitalization. He seemed to be getting better and went back to work March 31st and died at work.

“As you said, he had a marvelous sense of humor, and I was told he literally died laughing. He had this little teasing he did with the nurses by startling them with slapping a patient's record down on the counter and turning away with a `hee, hee, hee.'

“Well, that is exactly what he did and then went down. He died immediately from a very large pulmonary embolism.

“He was only 56 years old.

“We did have some excitement in our lives — sometimes more than I thought I could stand! The Jeep Cherokee incident involved rolling it at 75 mph on the Interstate when we blew a tire and causing a 4"X1" swath of his hair to be cut to 1/4" — so he was `scalped by a Cherokee!'

“We moved into our new home shortly after that incident, and soon thereafter we had the episode of the 5 1/2' snake. Now that was some major excitement as it was the biggest one I'd ever seen! I still have the skin.

“He was a wonderful man, not without faults, but none so bad they couldn't be overlooked. And I appreciate that he told others about our life and was so helpful to them with their research. He was never happier than when he `met' more family on the Internet or by mail. During his illness he found out just how many people loved him, and he was surprised at their great numbers. The chapel was full to overflowing and the flowers were many; more than he would have ever thought.

“You would appreciate that we laid him to rest in a `Don-type' cemetery — down a long, narrow country lane, shaded by cottonwood and mesquite, then up on top of a desert mesa with a view of the mountains and the valley. The other `inhabitants' are of old pioneer stock and some of the most revered families in the Gila Valley. Some of the graves are just mounds of stone, some are edged with concrete, some are fenced in and some are completely covered with concrete (were their families afraid they might get out?)

“We used to `do' that kind of out-of-the-way cemetery in our quest for information. And I think he must have had a good laugh because he was laid to rest with full military honors and 21-gun salute. He had been an officer in the U.S. Army, and they `allowed' him to retire with some really snide remarks on his final officer's efficiency report — something about how he should not be allowed to be around soldiers and having to be totally supervised at all times! We used to get it out and have a good laugh.

“Thank you for your kind words and memories of his online contact with you. I appreciate knowing how many people he helped.

“May your holidays be happy ones and your research successful beyond your wildest dreams.

“Beth Spidell”WJC65739.



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