By BILLY MURPHY
Laugh Lines

By law, to write this “spamming” article, I have to mention the “Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire” TV show. My only fear is there is little left to make fun of this albatross of a show over Fox's neck. Personally, I don't see what the problem was. I think the secrets uncovered about the groom aren't really any more amazing than what most people find out about their spouses after they get married. Just in most non-TV show situations, it takes longer to get to the truth.

I particularly liked the bride from the show. She didn't know at all what she was getting herself into, she said. Yeah, right! She mostly reminded me of what most dates in my life must have sounded like after they went out with me. Much like this woman, they probably cried to their friends about how they got the raw end of the deal and how it was all “the guy's” fault.

Coincidently, most of the girls I have dated in my life I have told that I was a multimillionaire, or at the least, a space shuttle astronaut. At least I have never had any restraining orders against me, but I must admit I have been on the “10 Most Wanted” list among the fashion police.

One of my favorite old-time comics, Jerry Lewis, has been in the news of late. Seems as though he made some sexist remarks about women comedians, or as they used to spell it in the TV Guide, “comediennes.” Jerry, in his ever amicable way, said that women comics are not funny and should just stick to having babies. This is strange to me as all my favorite stand-ups have almost always been women: Paula Poundstone, Roseanne Barr, and of course Ellen Degeneres.

It is stupid to me when a man looks at a woman and says she is “supposed to be having babies.” What does that say about us men? I mean do women look at us and ever say, “You know, he should be working in a field.” People forget that the original “designations” at the fall of mankind was for women to have children and men to work by the sweat of his brow. Yet, men always get to venture into anything they like, and women are expected to “just have babies.” Women should just tell Jerry Lewis to “go work in a field.” Though it wouldn't be by the sweat of his brow, more like the oil of his hair.

A totally unrelated event worthy of spamming is Jennifer Lopez' dress at the Grammy Awards. Most people think here dress — with cleavage that went all the way below her navel — was a little too risquÈ. But that dress was actually court-ordered due to the arrest of her boyfriend Sean Puff-Daddy Combs. Seems that she could only wear an outfit that was incapable of concealing a weapon. She couldn't have concealed a bullet in that dress. If I am not mistaken, Jerry Lewis saw her in that dress and was heard to say, “Laaaaddddyyyyy... Mrs. Farmul-wacken-stein!!!” Lopez then had to issue a restraining order on him.

[Visit Billy Murphy on the Internet at http://billymurphy.homepage.com. His previous Citizen columns are on The Citizen's website — http://www.thecitizennews.com.]

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