By BILLY MURPHY
Laugh Lines

Guess where the following line comes from: “I would like to thank my Mamma, my parole officer and the good Lord above:” 1. Any Pro Football Player. 2. Jim Bakker in the new one-man Las Vegas production of his life story: “Free Jimmy: The Adventure Home.” 3. Every single acceptance speech at every single Country Music Awards Show.

Country music is more popular now than ever before. From its roots on “The Porter Wagoner Show” and “Hee Haw,” country music is now a billion dollar industry sporting a new, young crop of too-cool artists. It has been quite a while since the Haggar Twins have flexed their necks and receding hairlines, but there's still a lot in common between the days of yore and these days of more.

The first similarity is “The Big Hair Issue.” Who can forget watching the growth of Dolly Parton's hair (among other things) as her career reached full development. Reba McIntire continued the trend and Dottie West culminated the art form with the now famous “Westinghouse Incident” (she sued the company when her teased coiffure was chopped off by one of their ceiling fans).

Nowadays, country music is still big on hair, if not just about volume. Shania Twain sports bountiful tresses. Wynona, well, she has tresses and she's just bountiful. The Dixie Chicks sport the “off the supermarket shelf blond” look.

Even with all its contemporary leanings, to be country means to wear a cowboy hat. Garth and Alan and John Michael wouldn't be caught dead without a closet full of Stetsons. Buck Owens would be proud. Clint wears them to give that mysterious look. Terry Clark wears them for that sexy look. Dwight wears them so not to give that “Hair Club for Men Look.” As in the words of the ever-brimmed John Wayne, “A man without a hat is like Ru Paul without a boa.”

There is also the similarity between old country and new concerning, “the tragedy gives soul” syndrome. To have depth and substance in country music, you must have real-life disaster in your everyday experience. Forget imagination or technique, just revel in death, divorce or a defunct transmission.

In the old days it was simple. Conway would whine about lost love. Today, Trisha twangs on the travesty of cell phone reception. Willie would sing about the minutia of being crazy for a woman. Leanne Rymes belts out the pains of paying mall prices.

Well, not quite, but there does seem to be a low threshold of emotional pain recently. Sure, Lorrie has had real suffering, but for every one of her, there are five Lyles singing the blues for agreeing to that prenuptial agreement Julia Roberts made him sign.

Whether yesterday or today, country music lives and thrives. Deep down it has always been built on the yearnings and soul of the common man. No matter the fashion or the expression, country music will always echo the heart and hurt of anyone who had to work for a living... or had to work for love.

And when you hear that perfect song you should feel like the writer once said, “I either want a bottle in front of me or a frontal lobotomy.”

[Visit Billy Murphy on the Internet at http://billymurphy.homepage.com.]

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