By DAVID EPPS
Pastor

A few years ago, my mother said, “Your father really enjoyed listening to the tapes of your sermons during the last couple of years of his life.”

I was touched. “Really?” I responded. “He enjoyed my tapes?”

“Yes,” Mom replied, “they were a great comfort to him. Many nights, when he couldn't get any rest because of his discomfort, he would put one of your sermon tapes in the cassette player and, in just a few moments, would be fast asleep.”

Sometimes the most humorous statements are made unintentionally. Most of the time, the business of church is a serious one. Once in a while, however, the serious unintentionally gives way to hilarity, as reflected in the following bloopers found on Sundays mornings in the announcement bulletins of American churches:

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

Fasting conference: The cost for the Prayer and Fasting Conference includes all meals.

Our youth basketball team is back in action! The next game is Wednesday at 8 p.m. in the Recreation Hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King!

Miss Charlene Mason sang, “I Shall Not Pass This Way Again,” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

Ladies, don't forget the church rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.

Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Fowler's. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome!

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

The “Over 60's Choir” will be disbanded for the summer with thanks.

The Outreach Committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.

Remember in prayer those who are sick of our church and community.

The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

The members of the Pastoral Relations Committee will meet Wednesday night with the staff for a whine and cheese party.

Please be reminded that smoking is not permitted in the church facilities. People who do smoke on the property are asked to put their butts in the can provided.

Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be the soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on, “It's A Terrible Experience.”

The Official Board will be meeting this week at the Simpson home. All bored members are asked to be in attendance.

The Reverend Don Northcutt will be speaking next week in our church on “Ways to Wreck Your Marriage.” Rev. Don is known throughout the denomination as an expert on homewrecking.

And my personal favorite:

The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks On the Water.” The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus.”

[Father David Epps is rector of Christ the King Charismatic Episcopal Church which meets Sundays at 10 a.m. in the chapel of Carmichael-Hemperley Funeral Home on Ga. Highway 74 in Peachtree City. He may be contacted online at FatherDavidEpps@aol.com.]

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