Wednesday, January 31, 2001

By SALLIE SATTERTHWAITE
sallies@juno.com

"Did you read this article? Another case of foreigners coming here and expecting us to accommodate their customs."

"Haven't yet, but I'm going to. ... There's a white-breasted nuthatch on the tree behind the brown feeder."

"Yeah, coming down headfirst. Now what are you doing? The article I wanted you to read is on the first page, not the inside."

"I already read the first part. I'm reading the jump."

"Oh. I thought it was all on the first page."

"Well, I bet YOU got both sides of the argument."

"I didn't ask for sarcasm. But don't you think they're expecting too much?"

"Seems to me a compromise could be reached. Besides, if you'd read the jump, you'd have seen that the women don't all take off for prayers at the same time. They take turns, and cover for each other. It probably does add a burden to their non-Somali co-workers, though."

"It's just the idea that we're expected to conform to their religious needs. After all, there are a lot of business practices Christians don't like, like having to work on Sundays, but we're not protesting that. Who do they think they are, anyway?"

"Dave, don't you think it's because the oppressed people of the world see America as a free country where people can practice their religion unrestricted?"

"Well, they can. But that chicken processor is also free to say he won't shut down his line so those women can go pray. And they're free to find another job, like in a library where they can pray all day long if they want to. Now where are you going?"

"I forgot to take hot water out to thaw the bird bath. There was a pine warbler looking for a drink. ...

"Brrr, it's cold out there! Look, he's back. Didn't take him long to figure that out."

"What do you think about the flag proposal? I like it myself."

"Pour me another cup, would you? I support the compromise totally, as you well know, but I'm not crazy about the design. I'd rather see something a little less busy. My idea of great flag design is like New Mexico's or Alaska's.

"Do you remember that night on Jean's deck in Juneau? We looked straight up, and there it was, as though the flag had been projected on the sky the Big Dipper, the North Star, exactly like the flag."

"Yeah, well, I think this one will fly, no matter how it looks. We couldn't have this controversy going on and on. Nothing else would get done. I thought it was a smooth move on the governor's part."

"I agree but if we were on the other side, we'd probably call it a slick move, rather than a smooth one. It's all in the eye of the beholder, I guess, and that really does matter. Did I tell you about the ad I saw in Germany, desecrating the American flag?"

"Germany? Desecrating our flag?"

"Well, turned out it was an American company desecrating our flag. You know how I can't stand to see clothing, especially pants, that look like they were cut out of a flag. Or paper plates in the exact image of the flag. There's something about dumping coleslaw on Old Glory. ...

"But this was worse. I was waiting for Mary to finish practicing at the opera house one night, and someone had left a catalog in the next room, where I had gone so I could listen to the opera on the in-house speaker system. It was Aida, I think. Really nice. ..."

"What's that got to do with the flag?"

"Oh. Well. I flip open this catalog and there's some really neat stuff in it, like James Dean memorabilia, radios shaped like classic American cars, a few clothes with stars and stripes on them, but nothing real blatant. Germans really like Americana, and I was rather amused until I came upon a door mat in the shape and colors of the American flag.

"The American flag used to wipe your feet! I was really offended. I paged through to see who had the tastelessness to promote such stuff, and finally figured out it was a gift catalog stuff you can order using some sort of point system awarded for buying cigarettes.

"And it was put out by Philip Morris. Isn't that just too ironic? An American company marketing cigarettes in a way it couldn't do in the States, and desecrating the flag in the process."

"We live in a free, market-driven society. That's a fundamental of capitalism."

"Should have known you'd take their side. I don't think capitalism should be used as an excuse to bite the hand that feeds you."

"But in this case, biting the hand that has forced it into off-shore marketing. Their little catalog doesn't offend the Germans, I bet."

"No, but what if we advertised doormats made in the likeness of the German flag? I bet there would be protests."

"Not if they were marketed by Daimler-Benz. Boy, they got what was coming to them, flat-out lying to American stockholders when they took over Chrysler."

"How did they expect to get by with that? Come on, it's warm enough to walk now. Taking your binoculars?"

"Got 'em. You sure you want to go now? You drank a lot of coffee. ..."

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