Good news for Republicans

To the relief of Republicans nationwide, President George W. Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney have canceled plans to attend the Republican National Convention in Minnesota because of Hurricane Gustav.

Meanwhile, John McCain abandoned his Katrina position of “Let me eat cake”:

Judge Me On My Own Record

and said. "It just wouldn't be appropriate to have a festive occasion while a near tragedy or a terrible challenge is presented in the form of a natural disaster."

President Bush, displaying an astonishing understanding of a Class 4 hurricane for a non-meteorologist, said at FEMA headquarters, "My message to the people of the Gulf Coast is: This storm is dangerous."

New Orleans becomes a ghost town

Rudy Giuliani, the scheduled keynote speaker, shocked a crowd of Bush/McCain supporters when he announced a major policy shift by the Republicans saying: "We have to make sure the focus is on the South, on Gustav, make sure that all of the resources are there, and that anything that is done ... is done in a serious way."

Giuliani comments

Handlers are reportedly developing a statement for VP nominee Sarah Palin to be issued soon.