Often these days, you will read in the monthly periodicals about how we are all living longer and that many American families are taking care of their elderly moms and dads and family members at home.

This issue is a very emotionally charged one because it involves family values and one's faith structure or the lack of both. Some families would not dream of taking an elderly relative into their homes. Other families wouldn't dream of any other option, so here you have the clash of the value titans.

After you sift through all those issues and you decide to take a family member into your home, then you deal with the new dynamics of someone else living in the home with the family. Then there are the guilt issues whether you keep them home or in another location. Issues that you are not doing enough for the persons that, through God, gave you birth.

In my family structure and value system we believe that you keep someone at home as long as physically possible. This scenario, however, had some long-reaching and health-damaging results for my mother.

My father was the finest man I have ever known and if you have ever read more than two of my articles, my parents will eventually be mentioned because of the loving Christian impact they both have had on my life and the lives of many people. Dad got glaucoma and went blind nine years before he went to be with the Lord. He also developed dementia, which is similar to Alzheimers.

He also could not walk. This combination of mom trying to keep him at home and give him the best care possible, started working on her health. Finally, her health was deteriorating to the point where she could no longer take care of him. It finally became necessary to put him into the VA nursing home.

This decision was the right decision by far, but mother felt she had betrayed Dad and our family faith values and the vows they had made one to the other. Mom went through some deep depression over her decision.

I am sharing all this because many families are dealing with these same issues through this holiday season. I have learned and am still learning some very important lessons. First of all, go to God in earnest prayer on these issues and seek his guidance. Secondly, be sure that the whole family, to the best of your ability, is all in harmony with these issues of bringing Mom or Dad into the home.

Also the decision made needs to be the best for all involved including the family care givers.

Thirdly, realize that what you set up for your care plan today can change tomorrow because of the medical situation. If you decide to take a family member into your home, get in touch with the home health care people. These folks are angels of mercy. They will come into your home and help out at various levels.

Finally, remember that you are modeling how you want your family to take care of you when you get old.

A prayer for us all. “Our Heavenly Father thank you for your care and love for us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. We thank and praise you for your mercy and forever kindness to us even when we get old and cannot take care of ourselves. Be with all the families who are going through these times of care for family members both in our homes, hospitals, and in nursing care facilities. May we all exercise the love of Jesus in these situations. Amen”

The Rev. Dr. Knox Herndon is the pastor of His House Community Church (SBC), a substitute school teacher in the Fayette County school system, and a former Army chaplain. The church is currently meeting in the American Legion Log Cabin across from the fountain on the Square in Fayetteville. Prayer line 770-719-2365; e-mail Khern2365@aol.com

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