By BIILY MURPHY
Laugh Lines

“There's no place like home, there's no place like home...” for some great spamming material. So this time around I will just cover Atlanta instead of the whole country.

Well, well, they have shut down the Gold Club strip bar for corruption. Who can believe this? We know a lot of our politicians are crooked. We have come to expect our school teachers to live secret lives. But what is this world coming to when our very own strip clubs aren't run on the up and up?

It truly must be the apocalypse when the good people of the exotic dancing world have run afoul of the law. Now what will the out-of-town, upscale businessmen do with all this time on their hands? I mean, the church doors aren't open in the evenings except on Wednesdays and that is 2-for-1 lap dancing night.

Do the judges and police not realize there are employees they are sending to the street? These music and movement professionals have Corvette payments to make, not to mention their breast augmentation loans. Oh well, I guess there might be one or two other establishments of this nature in Atlanta where they can find work.

What is with the wrecks on our expressways involving these large 18-wheelers? People are complaining about traffic, but somebody is picking up some real speed somehow. We have not long had the HOV lanes in place; now we need to develop some special lanes for these large tanker and tandem rigs; call them HOB (Hung Over on Beer) lanes.

The rest of us might as well be driving around with bull's-eyes on the back of our cars. I promise I saw a Mack truck recently with a scope on his dashboard. When you see these guys pulling those cords inside their trucks you may think they are simply blowing their horn, but no, they are just adding another score to their tally.

I have a great idea how to keep these big-rigs out of our rush-hour traffic. Let our traffic police network with our vice police and simply reopen the Gold Club from 4 to 7 each day. Take the danger off the road and put it inside the one place in the world where a man in a Budweiser cap can look sensitive (while stuffing dollar bills into a garter).

Chipper Jones won the National League Most Valuable Player award this week. In some sick way he attributed his success this year to his recent “troubles” (i.e., losing his wife after he fathered a child with someone else). Am I the only one to notice what a slap in the face this must be to his former wife?

Even though Chipper takes blame for his situation, he turns around and sorta says, “Wow, what a great thing happened to me 'cause I was an irresponsible pig.” Sorta like he was saying to his former wife, “Thanks for holding me back all these years, I couldn't have done it with ya.”

Oh, well, can you imagine how much better he will be next year now that the Gold Club is shut down? The Braves should be a cinch for the World Series title.

Til next time, spammees. And if you are wondering why so much “strip club” humor? The newspaper made me: it is “Sweeps Weeks.”

[Contact Billy Murphy via e-mail at Billy@gretsch.com or visit his website at http://billymurphy.homepage.com.]

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