By BILLY MURPHY
Laugh Lines

People are getting stupider and stupider. This I have observed.

I know rock singers have never been the smartest people in the world. For every genius Paul McCartney there have been 10 David Lee Roths. It has gotten much worse.

Today, musician IQs are lower than Planet Hollywood stock prices. If you had the opportunity to watch the MTV Video Awards like I did, you might have noticed a slightly moronic group of people. I find it quite ironic that the people who are famous for singing words, can't speak properly. In less than 30 seconds of interview among three singers, I counted a total of 18 times they said “You know what'm sayin'?” A lifetime achievement award for someone named “Puff Daddy?” These must be the people who liked “Blair Witch Project.”

Closer to home, I was at the Eckerds on the corner of Ga. highways 54 and 74 the other day. I had some pictures done in their one-hour lab. First of all, I don't understand something. They have one-hour service and they have service that takes a few days. Who are the people using the two-day service? Do they have a phobia? I mean, do they say, “No, no... that is too soon! I don't want my pictures back that quick”?

Do they fear there is some power of satan at work here? Like they will have to trade one of their children or something? Or do they just feel stress, worrying that their pictures are there at Eckerds waiting and waiting. Like grandma is in some picture in some pack saying, “What is wrong with her, why doesn't she pick us up? I bet she is just laying around the house.”

Anyway, I am at Eckerds and helping me are Phil and Carrie, very capable people in the photo section and someone comes up and complains because their pictures are out of focus. Hmmm. What could have caused that? I just wanted Phil or Carrie to lean over very nicely and say, “Oh, I see the problem... You stink. You are a bad photographer!” But, this is one of the few times, that customer service was above par and the lady was treated nicely. Of course I just had to lean over and say, “If I had kids that looked like that, I would photograph them out of focus, too.”

I just think we are in serious need of these genes they have injected into lab rats to make them geniuses. To show how smart the mice are now, they have been pulling the, “Look, doc, you have something on your tie,” then hitting him on the nose trick. Just think, they could inject these genes into Ricky Martin to raise him to the intellectual level of a garden vegetable. “Livin' la Vidi Okra.”

Of course, I am really not the one to judge. I do stupid things every day, like expect to get out of the post office in less than 30 minutes or expect to get the right food in my bag at the McDonald's drive-thru.

And am I stupid to think that Taco Bell has used that little Mexican hairless in their commercials for maybe like six months more than they should have?

Am I stupid to think that no matter how funny that “Will and Grace” sitcom is, it's still about a guy who gets naked with other men? Just how funny is the largest demographic group that dies of AIDS supposed to be?

Am I stupid to think that anyone cares about my soapbox? Of course I am.

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