We all seek to hold onto the magic moments of our lives, to hide them for a season, in the corners of our hearts.

Even as it is poured upon us, we try to stash a measure of the joy in which time does not permit us to revel.

We attempt to gather and file many of the little happinesses that are sprinkled along our paths; we claim we want to save them for a time when we can savor them. We take photographs. We keep journals. We store well the highlights of our days.

We say we live for the day when we can relive those precious moments in which our hearts were warmed and our souls refreshed.

We must take care — as we imagine ourselves curled up in tomorrow's favorite easy chair, before a glowing winter fire, hot chocolate in hand, relishing anew the joys of the spring times of our lives — indeed, we must take care that these remembrances are not usurped by some tragedy, loss or pain which demands equal space in our memory banks.

The memories we make when tragedy strikes, pain hits, or loved ones are lost — those memories, too, must find their rightful place in the heart-shaped storage center of our lives.

We have no choice but to let them in, and frequently we do so with a certain resolve to never pull them up again. We want painful memories out of sight and out of mind, and so we file them away to collect dust next to the private annals of our souls.

Time goes by.

We live with full awareness that if we are ever again to access the joy we stashed there we must come face to face with the sadness that also lurks in the shadowy places of our hearts. And so we stay busy. We seek diversions. In our leisure, we dance in the embrace of cowardice. We start to lose ourselves...

To refuse to go again into the dark corners of our hearts, pull back the curtains of the soul and let the sunshine in on all that we are, have been, or ever hope to be, is to refuse to live.

For it is in these hidden places that the very essence of life is stored. Fear not to take regular inventory. Acknowledge the presence of all that rests there. Appreciate the balance that will evolve. Celebrate the vision that will become uniquely your own. Accept the peace that comes as you discover the truth that time alone can teach — truth hidden in the corners of your heart.

I read part of what I have written here today to my 10-year-old niece the other night to see if she could comprehend what I am trying to say. “I think I get it”, she said. “It's like on `Diagnosis Murder,' when this girl's best friend was killed. She couldn't let herself think of her friend at all because it made her so sad. But before the sad thing happened there was lots of fun and she couldn't think about the fun times either.”

Hmm... 10 years old. I hope she doesn't lose her insight.

Please don't think I am saying it's not okay to deny things for a while when tragedy strikes. Denial can serve us well for a season, but only for a season. Denial, carried to extremes, can rob us of much that we should keep and treasure.

A broken marriage, crumbled friendship, the loss of one's health, and a great many catastrophic events leave us no choice at times but to recoil. We find we must deny until we can cope better; actually, denial is a form of coping.

I know there are some things that need to be buried and never resurrected again; but be careful when you do that. Be careful that the burial ground does not lie between you and the many treasures you do want to dig up at some later date.

Life is meant to be lived, lived fully and completely, and if you are lucky enough to make it to that easy chair by the fire one day, do not hesitate to relive the highlights and the lowlights.

Most remembrances, even the sad ones, bring with them a measure of wisdom and joy — maybe even a giggle or two. And unlike so many of life's other so-called treasures, those stashed in the corners of our hearts cannot be taken from us. Just be careful what you put there... You have more control over such matters than you think you do.

[Address any response to this column to: Mary Jane Holt, P.O. Box 246, Gay, Ga. 30218]

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