Sunday, August 1, 1999
Behave yourself

By MARY JANE HOLT
Contributing Writer

Seems like everything old is new again these days. Still, times are changing.

If you don't believe me ask your your 7- or 11-year-old, or your teenager. They will let you know things are different now than in your day.

They may be right about many things, but one thing remains the same. Raising kids can be a challenge and discipline is a must. Note, I said discipline, not punishment. One and the same? Absolutely not. Punishment is easy. Discipline is not.

So, you are confused about discipline? I was, too. Still am at times. Do you yell more, but receive less cooperation from your children? Do you have to become angry before you can inspire your children to behave? I know where you are coming from. Been there more times than I can remember.

I may have found the book for you. Wish I had had access to “How To Behave So Your Children Will, Too” 20 years ago.

The book shows us how to get our children to listen... the first time. It teaches strategies for dealing with negative attention, arguments, power struggles and manipulation. We are shown how to promote self-discipline and responsible decision-making. It shows us what successful parents do to help their children behave and feel good about themselves.

“Parents need to understand that their children's behavior is often a reflection of their own behavior. That's what makes this book unique. It does not focus on what children do wrong. It teaches parents what they can do differently,” says author Sal Severe, Ph.D.

Dr. Severe has three children who consume much of his energy and time, and provide him with his greatest blessing and achievement. There are other achievements however. He has been a school psychologist for 22 years. He has concentrated his practice on children and adolescents with emotional and behavioral disorders and their families. He also has worked as a teacher, counselor, principal and director of special education. He provides field supervision for school psychology internships for Arizona State University and Northern Arizona University. He has conducted training for the Arizona Department of Education and the Arizona Department of Corrections.

Dr. Severe is currently the clinical director of Flor del Sol alternative school in the Cartwright School District in Phoenix, Ariz., where he is also the chairperson of the Psychological Services Department. In the past 18 years, he has conducted more than 600 workshops across the United States. He has become known for his work with schools, churches and parent organizations, including the National Head Start Association, the Council for Exceptional Children, Tough Love, the Hemophilia Association and Phoenix Children's Hospital. Dr. Severe has provided training for the Intel Corporation, General Motors, SONY, Motorola, Honeywell, Texas Instruments, Pizza Hut, NAPA, Federal Express and Transamerica Occidental.

Still wondering if his book is for you? Take this test to determine if you need to read “How To Behave So Your Children Will, Too.”

- Are you tired of repeating everything four times to get your children to listen?

- Do you get an argument from your son every time you ask him to do anything?

- Do you have to get angry to get your childen to obey?

- Do you give in to your children to stop the whining and teasing?

- Do you say, “Stop that” or “That's enough” more than six time a day?

- Does your baby-sitter give you a discount for coming home early?

- Do your children spend hours in front of the TV and only minutes doing homework?

- Do you ever feel guilty because your children don't behave?

- Do you and your spouse argue about discipline?

- When you punish your children, do you feel punished yourself?

- Do you hope the next ten years pass as quickly as possible?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, the book may help save your sanity. “How To Behave So Your Children Will, Too” can teach you how to teach your children to behave, to listen — the first time, to be more cooperative.

Parenting requires countless sacrifices and continuous hard work, but the rewards are plenty. To be successful parents, Dr. Sal offers these tips:

1. Welcome change in yourself and your children. See change as positive. Seek self-improvement.

2. Possess good judgment. Know the difference between mischief and misconduct.

3. Have a sense of humor about raising children.

4. Believe that discipline is a teaching process. It is not simply punishment. Discipline is everything you do to teach children to be responsible and think for themselves.

5. Focus on the positive attitudes and behavior in their children. Call attention to positive qualities.

6. Use self-esteem as motivation. “You made a good choice. You should be proud of yourself.”

7. Behave yourself. Provide good example by being responsible, not perfect.

8. Behave consistently. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Follow through. Do not give in to misbehavior demands.

9. Behave proactively. Anticipate problems and plan to avoid them.

10. Use punishments that teach better decision-making.

11. Stay calm when your button is being pushed. Understand that anger gets in the way and makes conflicts worse.

12. Have patience for the time it takes to see change in yourself and your children.


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