By CAL BEVERLY
Publisher

Several information-age events converged on my household last week, leaving me wishing for the good old days when humans who cared answered telephones at places that your taxes or monthly payments supported.

So is this a Y2K preview?

I'll start in the middle. It was Saturday evening, and I returned from an out-of-town trip to my peaceful Peachtree City home about 7 p.m. to find — darkness and ominous stillness inside.

The power was out, the apparent result of an earlier thunderstorm. Instant thought: How long has the power been down? Is the frozen food still frozen? It was.

Well, what to do now? A check outside revealed that houses just down the street had lights. Life was proceeding normally just yards away. So, it must be a transformer or breaker switch serving the four dark houses. I think I'll call Coweta-Fayette EMC, my electricity provider for 22 years running. Let's see, what's their number? I'll look in the BellSouth Fayette white pages.

Strange. No listing. There's only one “Coweta” in the book, and it's not going to turn my lights on.

This has got to be a mistake. I'll look back in the Yellow Pages. There's the heading: “Electric Companies.”

Stranger still. There's Snapping Shoals Electric Membership Corp., a Clayton County number. But no Coweta-Fayette EMC number under the heading you would expect.

An idea strikes. Coweta-Fayette has branched out into other businesses, like home security systems. I'll look up their subsidiary.

After several detours, I find the familiar EMC logo and a Peachtree City number — 770-502-0226. Feeling calm descend over me, I punch in the number.

“Beep, beep, beep, beeeeep. I'm sorry, the number you have dialed may not be connected yet.”

What!? There's no way to reach my electric company when I need them? There's got to be a mistake. I dialed 411 for information.

“I'm sorry, sir, there is no number for Coweta-Fayette EMC listed for Peachtree City.”

“Alright, then, try Newnan. There's got to be a number there. That's their headquarters.”

There was a number. But that's all there was, except for that maddening rapid buzz-buzz-buzz of an “all circuits are busy” sound.

I started calling at about 7:15 p.m. I stopped calling at 11:30 p.m. when the lights came back on.

In the meantime I had dialed “O” and had a bored operator check the buzz-buzz-buzz for me. “I'M sorry, sir, we show that line as busy.”

“I KNOW THAT LINE IS BUSY! I want to know if there's a faulty line, or somebody took the phone off the hook, or what.”

“Sir, we show that all circuits are busy.”

“I've been trying to get my power company for hours, and I can't even get a phone to answer to report a power outage. Do you have any suggestions?”

“I'm sorry, sir, we show all circuits busy. Why don't you hang up and try your call later?”

“Thank you,” I growl between gritted teeth.

This is ridiculous. I'll call the Peachtree City Police Department, their “non-emergency” number. I've called it many times in years past.

This time I get a computer recording. “This is the Peachtree City Police Department administrative number. Our offices are closed. If you have an emergency, dial 911. Otherwise dial....”

I am ready to scream, Is there no one at home? Where are the humans at my town's police department? Must I be dying or shot to get hold of a cop here?

Muttering, I dial what used to be the Fayette County Sheriff Department's non-emergency number. “Fayette County Emergency Services administrative number.”

At last! A human, who will have some information.

“I'm in Peachtree City and have a power outage. I just wonder if it's widespread and how I can report it.”

“Sir, there are outages all over Fayette County. They're doing the best they can. That's all I can tell you.”

Well, great. I've talked to a couple of humans, but I might as well be calling from Mars for all the information or help I've gotten.

Does the EMC even know my little clump of houses is still dark? Are they depending on one of the four houses to notify them of our dilemma? Or are they stretched to the max in a dozen places at once? Should I prepare for a night of darkness? Should I go get some dry ice for my freezer from the many fully functioning stores nearby?

I try a last resort. I'm an old radio newsman, from the days when local radio stations had local news all hours of the day and night. So I call a “local” radio station. A woman answers. “The offices are closed. I just stopped in for a moment. I really don't have any information about any power outages.”

In desperation and frustration, I call my own office, a newspaper office with a computer answering machine. It's on the fritz, too. All I hear is the ringing, ringing, ringing of an unanswerable phone.

I wearily replace the phone, walk to the open door to look out into the dark. I step onto the darkened porch, and behind me, lights come on, fans start whirring, the TV blares, the answering machine — previously bereft of power — announces, “Answering machine, on.”

I reach for the remote control for the TV to shift to a news channel. Black snow and static.

Oh, yeah, did I forget to mention that my cable has been out since about July 20? It's still out.

I called the cable number four nights running and got an answering service operator who told me the cable company was aware of my problem and was working on it and would have it fixed shortly. Shortly has extended into a week now.

I called the cable company during the days, got credit for my unseen cable, and received promises that the technician would have it repaired that day. That started midweek last week.

It's Monday, mid-afternoon, and my cable is still out.

Oh, and the Newnan number for Coweta-Fayette EMC? As of 11 this Monday morning, the line was going buzz-buzz-buzz.

The “unconnected” and unlisted Peachtree City number is now connected. I dial it — and get a computer. “The average wait time to speak to a customer service representative is 10 minutes.” I hang up, shaking my head, remembering when there was an immediate human at the end of every telephone ring.

But my power is on. Thank you, Coweta-Fayette EMC linemen, for working in the dangerous dark with high-voltage lines. We would be lost without you. Wish I knew how to phone your boss to suggest something's wrong with his customer service operation.

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