Wednesday, July 28, 1999
Liberal Views

Guest Columnist

I am amazed at the behavior people try to excuse.

For many years I was a college administrator. Students would be disciplined for stealing, vandalism, and other inexcusable behaviors. Their parents would be in my office, not apologizing for the child's behavior, but complaining about the discipline. This attitude is not limited to the college environment.

With startling regularity the media reports on people who misuse the U.S. Constitution and Bill of Rights as a magic wand that gives them permission to do or say whatever they want regardless of the harm that may be done to others by their words and actions. Lawyers make unbelievable excuses for their clients who are charged with crimes. Our governmental leaders have normalized single-parent households using their “it takes a village” motto as an excuse to pursue their own careers at their children's expense.

Closer to home, people argue with my opinion of day care, movies and other topics I've written about in this column over the years arguing that I blow these issues out of proportion. I've often wondered what these people, adhering to their current points of view, would write if they were in my shoes. To see what their ideas sound like all together, I've decided to write an article from their perspective. Here we go:

Don't worry about how many hours you work or how little you are at home. Children don't need parents in the house, they just need the things your money can buy. After all, parents are cultural inventions and kids can learn all they need about growing up from TV and their friends. Spending a few minutes once in a while with your children is sufficient. Your children would rather have possessions than loving parents at home.

Let your children watch any movie, listen to any song, or read any book they want. No matter how profane, vile or vulgar, it has no affect on them. Allow your children to spend hours in front of the television, on the Internet, or at computer games, no matter how violent or profane the themes. Children are resilient and recognize violence, pornography and profanity as entertainment and would never imitate these behaviors. No monitoring by parents is needed.

Carefully change the perspective on issues when your children are in trouble. Never accept that your children have done anything wrong or evil. Find where the system has wronged them and focus all attentions there. It is obvious that they are powerless and have no choice but to do the wrongs they do because of a system that is biased against them. Ensure that your children understand that their race, gender, socioeconomic status, or religious background totally incapacitates them and makes personal choice and responsibility impossible. When necessary, hire a lawyer and sue all possible parties rather than admit any wrongdoing.

Children cannot control their sexual energies so you should invest in condoms and birth control pills. Conservative groups that encourage abstinence are clearly out of touch with reality and their puritan ideals have no place in a modern society. Sexual activity in the early teens and even younger is to be expected. Abortion is the solution to unwanted pregnancies when they occur. By the way, you don't need to be informed if your daughter has an abortion. Even though we concede that government agencies (like schools) should get your permission before dispensing aspirin, it is old-fashioned to assume that you should be informed if your child wishes to abort a baby.

Teach your daughter that her right to choose an abortion has nothing to do with the rights of an unborn child. Make sure you dehumanize an unborn baby by calling it “tissue.” Never allow your daughter to consider that “the right to choose” occurs at the point of deciding on intercourse. Teach her to do what she wants at the moment and then teach her that the consequences of her actions are unfair tragedies that are thrust upon her by evil religious groups.

If your son rapes a woman while on a date make sure he understands it was not his fault. Explain that sexual intercourse on a date is his right even if a woman says “no.” Teach your son that if a woman dresses in a seductive way, he can treat her in any way he chooses.

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, encourage your children to speak and act disrespectfully to adults, especially teachers. After all, we are all equal and there is no reason adults should get any special recognition from young people.

-Signed - A Liberal American Psychologist

If we followed this absurd advice, we would raise a generation of children who would have no respect for authority and who would refuse to take responsibility. Teen pregnancy and juvenile crime would be out of control and we probably would even have children killing each other.

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