Museums and Hall of Fames have become big business. Our country is pretty much full of galleries and archives housing important elements from our history and culture that cater to the tourist trade.

So, I figure we could make Fayette County the central location for some important facility that would draw people from the world over, much like Cooperstown draws people to the Baseball Hall of Fame or D.C. attracts people to Linda Tripp's house... I mean, to the Smithsonian. We could gain a lot of tax revenue.

Here are my suggestions for a couple of Fayette County tourist-attracting National Museums:

World Museum of Aerobic Sports: Most sports have their "Halls of Fame" yet this one has been sorely overlooked. The edifice could be constructed high on a pedestal with immense steps leading up, thus to raise your heart rate by 80 percent by the time you got the top.

You would enter between facing statues of Jane Fonda and Kathy Smith. The Leotard Exhibit would show the progression from the burlap tights of the 1950s, to polyester, through the Lycra Spandex years and all the way to the current thongs made from NASA-designed materials stain resistant to sweat, tears and... well, lets just say stain resistant.

Next, enter the Media Center with over 200 Richard Simmon's "Sweatin'" videotapes. Visit the Cellulite Theater and hear the story of Agnes Jones who went from 315 pounds to 110 pounds in just three months. Asked how she lost the weight, she responds, "Heck, it was all water weight from Richard making me cry like 15 times a day!"

Have fun playing card games with leftovers from Richard's "Deal a Meal," "Deal a Meal II," and the unsuccessful "Hey Skinny Girlfriend, Go Ahead and Deal Yourself a Big Bowl of Lard." And do it all while dressed up like Richard in sequined tank top, Afro wig and silk shorts.

Finish the fun day with a visit to "Aerobics of the Future," where Billy Blanks and his "Tai Bo" face off the competition in "Infomercial of the Washed up Stars." And on your way out, don't forget to stop by the "Home Exercise Equipment Graveyard," and see piled heaps of the Healthrider, the stationary rowing machine, the Nordic Track and that big fat rubber band weight machine.

Smithstonian Institute: This would be a museum housing all the simple, unrecognizable mistakes that people make on a daily basis; e.g., how people always say the Smithstonian instead of the Smithsonian.

Also covered would be the semantics behind why we always say, "I could care less," when what we mean to say is "I couldn't care less," or how people say, "It kept me literally glued to my seat," which would mean that you were going home with epoxy on your pants.

Or one of my favorites, the nonstop flight, which would mean when I fly to Los Angeles nonstop later today I would never get off the plane.

In this museum we would find exhibits of the hot water heater (if it's hot, why heat it?), hot cup of coffee (I would rather have the coffee hot, rather than the cup) and nice big bowl of doughnut holes (wouldn't that just be air?).

Of course this museum really wouldn't even exist if it were to house, as I contend above, "all the simple, unrecognizable mistakes." If they were unrecognizable, how would we know?

Late-Night News Hall of Fame: Who better to honor than the men and women who serve us up car crashes, missing children and reports on killer viruses hiding in our carpets; and all with a smile, a perm and some pretty cheerful banter.