The Fayette Citizen-Weekend Page
Wednesday, December 16, 1998

Readers respond

By SALLIE SATTERTHWAITE
Lifestyle Columnist

Your comments follow on some issues I raised here recently. Questions include massing flowers in church when the money could benefit worthy causes; slovenly dress in formal settings; applause during worship; Christmas carols out-of-season.

Patty Maher of Peachtree City, by e-mail:

"I agree with you about the poinsettias. If we could cut the amount of flowers by half, what a difference that would make!

"An issue about which I know can get people very defensive in a heartbeat: I absolutely think that applause during worship is not only O.K., but wonderful! I don't think we applaud to thank the musicians, but to worship our creator who provided us with this ability to create music.

"Music can be a form of worship for some of us, and I think the somber silence that fills a church when a choir has just filled it with joyous music can be deafening.

"The issue of kids not dressing correctly for church is a no-brainer. [My] 14-year-old boy and 11-year-old girl know what is acceptable and not. I think dressing for church shows respect for your church and your family.

"The last issue, but certainly not the least, is the singing of Christmas carols during Advent. We have belonged to many Lutheran churches. We ALWAYS sang carols during Advent. I believe singing Christmas carols during Advent helps put the Christ back in Xmas."

Dave Norman, Peachtree City, comes from a tradition in which no one would dream of applauding in church. He said the silence in those few seconds after beautiful music comes to a close "heightens the emotional impact of the music exponentially."

Just the fact that the worshipper refrains from applauding means that he is holding his human impulses in check. "He recognizes that this is a different setting, and he doesn't take the easy way out."

Barbara Hood, Fayetteville, e-mail:

"The beautiful poinsettias that we have placed in our sanctuary have a special significance at this time of year for us. We lost our 11-year-old grandson just one month ago to leukemia, and the act of placing a flower in his memory, as well as several others in memory of our parents, is an important part of our grief process.

"Yes, the money could and should be spent for more needful causes feeding the homeless, more research for cancer but sometimes the beauty of a flower is reminiscent of the mystery of life. I would hate to lose that privilege."

Suzanne Lamfalusi said almost the same words to me, that placing a poinsettia at Christmas or a lily at Easter in memory of her late husband, John, comforts her immensely. Afterwards, she takes them home, and plants the lily for future blooms.

"This is something living in memory of John," she said.

(I do want to repeat, my complaint is not with flowers in church they add so much but with excessive displays which, if not taken home or given away, are often discarded after services. A gift to help people develop clean water supplies, or to provide immunizations, or to send a child to hand bell camp is just as memorializing and certainly more lasting.)

Last week a reader raised warnings about giving to charity, and how organizers often divert funds intended for good works. Mary Kay Moore of Peachtree City e-mailed:

"1. We [should] monitor closely what the administrative costs of an organization are and that will tell us how much of our dollar actually goes to a charity."

(I'm still trying to find out on what Web site you can find rankings of charitable organizations -- will let you know when I do.)

"2. Applause in church. I don't like it, either, most of the time. However, there comes an occasion at times where what occurred is so very special that applause is an automatic response.

"3. Dress code. Clothes do not a Christian make. I would not wear jeans to a concert or a funeral or to the regular church services, but that is the way I was brought up. However, what others wear is of little matter to me. I can't pass judgment on other people as I don't know where that person may be coming from and what life experiences that person may have had.

"4. Christmas carols during Advent. The secular world sees Christmas beginning around Halloween and, alas, we good Christians bemoan this!

"'Christmas' is to be a joyous time of the year, yet statistics show that for many, many people it is a season that does not elicit happiness and joy and can be a very depressing period of time. Many times we can leave our sadness behind us as we join in the singing. Anticipation is heightened for me by singing the carols.

"Being a roaring, raving advocate for people with disabilities has made me see and think through ideas and opinions in a different way and to not take status quo as the only way things can be done."

Another reader, who apologized for "venting," did not sign her name. She was to the point: "Yes, dress for church. No to applause in church. Yes to carols during Advent."

I found the rest of her hand-written letter so poignant, however, that I wanted to share it:

"I am 48 and grew up attending a Methodist church in the midwest. I long for a church service with quiet dignity and time for reflection and meditation. After attending several area churches I now stay home and share the Sunday paper with my husband.

"It appears to me that in an effort to recruit new members and donations that churches try to please everyone in an hour service. That just isn't possible.

"Sermons for children? That's what Sunday School is for. A separate youth service or children's church? 'Rock' music No!

"My biggest pet peeve is the `greet your neighbor.' If you want to greet fellow church members, set up a coffee pot in fellowship hall. A smile and nod when I sit in the pew next to you is sufficient. How phony to have the clergy instruct the congregation to practice common courtesy.

"This is why this baby boomer is a church drop-out. I don't go to church for a three-ring circus."

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