The Fayette Citizen-Opinion Page
Wednesday, November 25, 1998
The United States of Wal-Mart . . . .

By BILLY MURPHY
Laugh Lines

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WE THE PEOPLE of the United States of Wal-Mart, in Order to form a more Perfect Union, establish credit, assure domestic housewares, provide for the common shopper, promote the wobbly shopping cart, and secure the Blessings of polyester to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of Wal-Mart (The Preamble to the Constitution of the United States of Wal-Mart, adopted Sept. 17, 1998, Newnan, Ga.).

No longer is Wal-Mart just for those who like to shop with curlers in their hair. No longer is Wal-Mart just another place to pick up a good Richard Petty hat. For the lack of a better democracy, Wal-Mart now stands as a solid, equitable haven for any man, woman or child in America who longs for the things our current guard of politicians could never deliver.

The inscription at the Newnan Wal-Mart's center island reads: "Give me your tired (We're Now Open 24 hours!), your poor (Everyday Low Prices!), your huddled masses yearning to breathe free (No Congested Blue Light Specials!), The wretched refuse of your teeming shore (A Fine Selection of Lice Shampoos). Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me.I lift my lamp beside the golden door (right Next to the Pay Phones, Drink Machines and Electric Kiddie Carousel!)."

Wal-Mart has long been a border dividing upper middle class and lower middle class America. For every BMW or Lexus parked at Lenox Square or Phipps Plaza, there was a Chevy S-10 or a Ford Escort parked at Wal-Mart. As one class of people was chirping their auto-remote car alarm, another class was securing their trunk with a bungee cord. In the blink of an eye, this line has been blurred and America is that much closer to being united under the big blue awning. All of a sudden everyone shops at Wal-Mart. "Four Score and seven pairs of socks ago, our father set forth on this counter, a new Play Station, received in liberty..."

Today, I am just as likely to see my doctor browsing the aisles of Wal-Mart as I am my car mechanic. I may be naive or idealistic, but I don't see near the ill attitudes that people once had towards shopping at the super discount house. Some might explain this is good marketing by Wal-Mart, but I believe it's deeper than that. I see a better understanding and acceptance of what is really important in life. It's sure not designer labels or name brands. Maybe it's the benefits of buying popcorn in bulk.

Everything I need to survive in life, I can find at my 24-Hour Coweta County Wal-Mart. Just 8 miles south of my Peachtree City house, I can find food, clothing and shelter. It is my country, my asylum. I can eat at the self-contained McDonald's. I can watch TV in "Electronics." I can sleep in "Bedding." Even if I long for my Grandma or Grandpa, I can have that too, by ingratiating myself to any of the elderly "Welcomers" at the door. And if you are the type who expects there to be evil as a price for all this good, there is always the experience at the checkout stand. "Ask not what your cashier can do for you, or you're asking for the dreaded 'price check.'"

I have a dream... I've been on that mountain top... And, it's got a brand new Wal-Mart.

[Billy Murphy's e-mail address is HimOnWry@aol.com.]


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