As I write this, Senator John Glenn has become the oldest man in space. I don't know if I like a 77-year-old man who is in better mental, emotional and physical condition than I am. Thus all my jokes about him leaving the space shuttle left-turn signal on, or "Astronaut Depends" will come out sounding like jealousy which it is.

But I wonder, do you think he is up there telling the young space shuttle guys his, "In my day!" stories? "In my day, our zero-gravity was much worse than now. You kids have it so easy. When we flew to the moon and back, it was uphill both ways."

He would continue, "And you big shots now, you have that fancy schmancy water to mix in with your Tang. Back in my day, there wasn't any room for any water on the spaceship. We just ate Tang like dirt, and we hoped we had enough spit to get it down."

Sen. Glenn will be the first geriatric to orbit the earth, and what a heroic example for our age, but what if he is like that surly grandpa we all know? So much for "The Right Stuff;" this is "The Gruff Stuff." Forget biosphere, try bifocals. Forget polysynthesis, try Poly-grip. Forget circumnavigate, try swollen prostate. Nevertheless, I am sure Cal Ripken Jr. is sitting at home thinking about his recent accomplishments, thinking, "Rats!"

Have you come down from your Halloween candy high yet? Like me, do you still rationalize that you are doing your kids a "favor" by eating all their candy... protecting them from cavities, obesity and the faux-joy of quarter-sized Butterfingers? Long after the pumpkins have rotted and the black streamers have fallen, we are still leaving little trails of mini-wrappers from dwarf candy bars.

This is why Halloween is the only holiday that has no "official meal" surrounding it. No turkey, no barbecue; nothing but a 600 calorie-a-day habit of Starbursts, Snickers and Milky Way bars. Then after the subsequent overdosing, we spend the remaining days before Thanksgiving going cold turkey before we start all over again on hot turkey, all the while still craving for a "hit" of M&Ms.

The new $20 bills are out and it is nice to see the Treasury Department has involved our nation's kindergartens in the design of new money. I also find it humorous of them to have one of those "caricature guys" form Panama City Beach draw Andrew Jackson's head. They should have run with the concept and pictured him with a teeny-weeny body holding a fishing pole and a bass.

There are many notable hidden designs on this new $20 bill that help deter future counterfeiting. For instance, if you hold the bill up to the light, on the right side you can see a watermark of Jackson. If you look to the left, there is a vertical sentence that spells out, "See Rock City."

If you turn to the back of the bill there is a picture of the White House. Use a magnifying glass and look in the uppermost right, top window and you can see a graying, shirtless man eating a Big Mac. Look in the middle row, far left window and you can see a sullen Janet Reno reading a Victoria Secrets catalog. So much for historical moments.