By BILLY MURPHY
Laugh Lines

Who is sick of politicians? Sorry, you guys, but from the lowly local official right up to the office at Pennsylvania Avenue, I am sick of you guys and girls and the way you do your business.

You have been given a blank checkbook, a license to thrill and the use of power in a way that would make Benjamin Franklin only wish he had been fried by the kite and lightning.

Government is a corpulent, sputtering web of loopholes, perks and privileges. It makes the Internet look like a javelin. In this computerized age of sleek, efficient progress, government is the mimeograph machine. Government is THE machine; created in the beginning to serve the people, but now it only adds more gears and cogs for the sake of sheer bulk.

While the rest of the world is ambitious to conserve, condense and purify, government seems to be stuck in the tasty, but nutrition-less Krispy Kreme line, eternally yelling, "more doughnuts." All that eating comes at a cost and I am footing the bill. You are too.

Politicians are the most inbred, "deceived" group of squatters this world has ever produced. How else could Guy Millner's enemies lambaste him one day and speak for him the next? Perhaps they could have been offered some future position of importance? But would they so easily change their convictions for opportunity? Well, heck, the pay is pretty good!!

I know I am in the land of talk radio, yet it seems to me revolution is in order. I think we should start small, too, at the local level. I am virtually embarrassed every time I read about most of our local officials. I know we have some good people in city and county offices, but for the most part, if I did on my job what "they" do, I would be fired.

There is no fear among our local officials. They consistently snub their noses at common sense and responsibility both fiscal and ethical. From the school board's "secret meetings" to the recent insurance consultant riff, we have a pretty wasteful use of resources. They look the voters in the collective eye and say, "Let them eat cake."

I guess local politicians feel by comparison to Washington they aren't doing so bad. It's sorta like Ted Bundy saying, "At least I'm no Jeffrey Dahmer." Isn't it funny how politicians continually speak for the American people concerning Clinton and say, "Americans don't care if he had an affair with Monica Lewinski." Hmm, could this be a little self-serving? Do you think they have their fingers crossed behind their backs hoping we don't care?

Well let me apologize now for calling politicians a bunch of fat, doughnut-eating, power-scamming, serial killers. They're not all fat.

There's probably only one lower form of being out there. That's the "hide behind your monitor," issue-ignorant, quasi-funny boy, who takes pot shots at those politicians. Now who could that be?