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Dear Father Paul

Dear Father Paul: I have lunch once or twice a month with a woman that I used to work with at a former employer. There is nothing going on between us. It is a social time and we are just friends. My wife has a problem with this and has asked me to stop. I say that there is nothing wrong with it. Who is right?— No Name, Tyrone.

Dear No Name: If it is just a social time as you say, then I suggest you invite your wife to join the two of you for these luncheons. If you (in your heart) have even the slightest hesitation to do this, then it unquestionably means that your time with this "friend" is more than a mere social time and you will have been given a real wake-up call of your true feelings.

I have seen dozens of situations just as you describe, and I have NEVER seen one in which the "lunch mates" did not eventually end up in bed. Trust me, you are "playing with fire" as the old saying goes.

If nothing else, as you spend more and more time with this woman you and she will move to the level of sharing intimate thoughts with each other ... perhaps about your two marriages. You will find yourselves complaining to each other about the alleged "shortcomings or faults" of each of your spouses and agreeing with each other about how "bad" things are at home. Again, once this happens, and even if the relationship never goes beyond this ... if it never becomes sexual, you will have committed "adultery" with her IN YOUR HEART ... because you will have become intimate with a woman who is not your wife. Know this, adultery is NOT always sexual!

Lastly, if you truly love your wife you will not want to knowingly do anything that displeases her or causes her pain or distress. So, in my view, you should put a quick end to the luncheons if for no other reason than that it is a problem with your wife and she has asked you to do so. Your laying down this "friendship" will honor your wife. Now you are dishonoring her.

Dear Father Paul: Why is it that more people don't go to church?
— May, Fayetteville.

Dear May: Lots of people DO go to church. Somewhere around 65-70 percent of Americans attend church at least once a month. Pastors like me, however, will never be happy until every man, woman, boy and girl are in church (just kidding).

Studies show that some people don't consider church relevant for today, plus many see church people on the job and in other places who don't practice what they say they believe and that is a real turn-off as well. Also, some people have had some really bad experiences in churches or were hurt by church people, even pastors. One lady was honest enough to tell me, "I don't need God, I have a great job, a new house and a new car, plus I have excellent health. Why do I need God?" Churches must address these issues and many are.

The number one reason why people don't go to church, however, according to a recent national poll by the Rainer Group is that, "I've never been invited." Amazingly, 80 percent of unchurched people surveyed said that they are searching spiritually and would visit a church if someone who went there invited them. Wow!

So here is an invitation, on behalf of every church in Fayette County, especially The Church Of The Holy Cross (sorry, I couldn't help myself), to come to worship God this Sunday. You'll be glad you did.

Father Paul Massey will answer your question. Write him at paulmassey@earthlink.net or Box 510, Fayetteville, Georgia 30214.