Dads need to get serious about their ‘jobs’

John Hatcher is pastor of Outreach International Center, 1091 South Jeff Davis Drive, Fayetteville, Georgia 30215. 770-719-0303

By JOHN HATCHER
Contributing Writer

Fathers must step in and rescue our children who are going down fast. In fact, it’s been pretty well documented already that absentee fathers, fatherless homes, and fathers too-busy-to-parent are three top reasons for a bountiful harvest of troubled youth.

One study showed that girls whose fathers left either before they were born or up to age 5 were seven to eight times more at risk of becoming pregnant as an adolescent than girls living with their fathers. A father’s departure between ages 6 to13 suggested a two to three times greater risk of becoming pregnant (Psychology Today, May 15, 2003).

In the past several decades, the United States has achieved the dubious distinction of becoming the world leader in fatherless families. Currently, 34 percent of American children live without their biological father (fathermag.com).

Fathers must step up to the empty plate of personal discipline for our children. For too long, fathers have passed the buck of personal discipline to the mother and that was not and is not God’s plan. Right now homes across America are raising problems for the neighborhood, the government, and society in general.

Today children are allowed to be demanding. Their personal television sets and their peers set their appetite for what they want. And, they clearly indicate in so many words, “I want what I want when I want it.” Their demands are backed up by their sincere belief that they deserve what they are requesting.

Also, today’s children are being raised with an attitude of expectation that everything will be done for them. Even if they consistently fail their exams, they expect to be promoted to the next grade. Although they have behaved badly for a period of time, they still expect a glorious birthday party at which they will receive their heart’s desires. When they commit crimes, they expect to be exonerated one way or the other. Dad and Mom have the obligation to get me out of jail or keep me out of jail. Their expectations far exceed their contributions.

My generation and the ones following me are raising a generation of pampered children. It does not have to be this way. It’s not in South Africa. According to a recent column by Dr. John Rosemond, teenagers in South Africa are self-disciplined — well mannered, respectful, and responsible. What’s different? Their children are not pampered.

The Bible holds parents to a standard of training their children, not pampering them. Proverbs 22:6 states, “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” That verse does not allow for a period of oat-sowing. It simply says if parents do their job of raising their children in the Lord, their children will respond in kind.

As fathers step up and help with this crisis among America’s youth, we must teach children that life is a gift and the way you respond to a gift is gratitude. America’s youth need to learn two words, “Thank you.”

Fathers also have to teach their children that life has its responsibilities and privileges. However, responsibility is the door to privilege. Too many of us parents dangle a privilege in front of our kids to motivate them toward responsibility. It won’t work that way. We have tried it for too many seasons. After a child has understood his responsibility, accepted it, and fulfilled it, that’s when privilege is earned. Not before.

One of the things we as parents must overcome: the inordinate desire to be our child’s best friend or even to be worshipped by our child. We parents must overcome the temptation of popularity for the survival of our children.

Finally, fathers must join their divine partners, mothers and convey to our children that life is always lived in the context of community. No one is an island to himself and never should a child be raised thusly. A child becomes a vital part of the family, community, school, and church. He has a responsibility to behave as there are others around. You shoot off guns at a firing range, not at a gathered group of teens. You clean up after yourself in a home or public restroom knowing that someone else will have to use the facility. You walk down hallways, not run. You cover your nose when you sneeze. Often it’s the little things.

I hope some fathers will read this article and do a little soul searching about how we have been doing our jobs and then get serious.