Friday, June 10, 2005 | ||
Bad Links? | Man babies
By RICK RYCKELEY This is another article that could get me kicked out of the mens club, but someone has to write about it and it might as well be me. Old sayings tend to be sprinkled with a lot of truth. Old sayings like, He married someone that reminded him of his mother. Lets face it, guys, when it comes right down to it, were all just a bunch of babies. Man babies. See, I told ya this article would get me in a lot of hot water with my fellow Neanderthals out there. But Im sorry, men are just big babies who want to be pampered and coddled throughout life; I know, Im one of them. And Im not too proud to admit it. I like when The Wife does those little extra things to make my life more comfortable. Yes, Im a man baby. Being a man baby is not so bad. It has many advantages, much like being a little baby. Theyre very similar, ya know, a man baby and a little baby. Disagree? Well, maybe I can convince you otherwise with a comparison of the small baby you hold in your arms and the big baby your wife holds in hers (the big baby being you, of course). When little babies are hungry they cry and if you dont feed them quickly, they cry even louder and get really grumpy. When they get their bottle and theyre fed, everythings fine. The Wife says that when I skip lunch, around five in the afternoon I get really grumpy and hard to be around. The only way I stop being grumpy is when she fixes me a little snack to tide me over to dinner, like those little round cracker/cookies with a chunk of imported cheese on them. Babies cant do anything for themselves; well, like laundry. If you didnt pick up after a baby thered laundry strewn all over the house: baby bibs, blankets, itsy-bitsy socks, night clothes. Little babies create an inordinate amount of dirty laundry. Man babies do, too, and I speak from years of experience on this topic. I can go through three to four different sets of clothes a day - workout clothes in the morning, T-shirt and blue jeans during the day, sweats to lounge around in after dinner, and PJs at bedtime. Most of which never making the trip to laundry room. Havent convinced you that men are just big babies? Well read on, dear reader, read on. One of the best things little babies do is make all those strange noises and facial gestures. Babies gurgle, laugh, giggle, and coo, all the while entertaining us with the expressions on their faces. Men babies are no different; they make funny faces and sounds also. When I get up after sitting too long in front of the computer or the day after that long golf game I make a face distorted with pain. Old muscles resent being used. The noises from my creaking joints are heard down the hallway as I make my way to the hot tub for some relief. Heres one last comparison of little babies to the man babies out there. Little babies will scream and throw a temper tantrum til they get what they want. Man babies do the same thing. Ever wanted to buy something and your wife said no? What did you do? I tell you what you did; you bugged her and pouted till you got it, right? I rest my case, man baby. Theres another old saying. It kinda goes like this: If the wife aint happy, aint nobody happy - not even the man baby around the house. And she aint gonna be happy if she has to do all the cooking, laundry, and cleaning the house all by herself, after working a full-time job. Like I said, theres a lot of truth in those old sayings. So, all you man babies out there: Get up off the couch; the Braves can win without you tonight. Get your own adult beverage; you can drink it while you cook dinner. And while youre at it, the laundry monster is getting out of hand. Ya know, its not gonna kill you to help out just a little around the house. See, I told you a lot of hate e-mail will be coming my way because of this one, but this man babys too busy to read any of it right now. The Boy just came in with a huge load of laundry and I think its time to cook dinner. |
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