Wednesday, May 11, 2005 | ||
Bad Links? | Getting cussed out, Southern style
By RONDA RICH Once on the Andy Griffith Show, Ernest T. Bass tried to join the army. Several times, Barney says comically, Hes a nut! As we are prone to say in the South, Thems strong words. And, for Southerners who are courteous even when it comes to cussing and judging, they are. To outsiders, the words we use to cast aspersions on others are innocent. But we know what they mean and thats all that counts. A Southerner can give you the worse cussing of your life and do it by using Cartoon Channel. No need for HBO language from us. We can cut to the quick with gentle-sounding words but when were really mad, well string a bunch together. Lets look at a few examples: No Account: This is a person so despicable in ethics and manners that hes not even counted as a human being. A Waste of Good Air: Even air that is free (at least at this time but who knows when theyll figure out how to charge for that like they have with water) is a bad investment on such a low life. Lowdown Varmint: A first cousin to a possum, skunk or raccoon, although raccoons are good for something because a few, like Ernest T., learned how to take a bath and wash food by watching them. White Trash: This is what the rednecks, who are generally hard-working people, call the ones who wont work and lay up drunk most of the time. Good for nothin: Try as you might, you will never be able to figure out a purpose for these folks unless, of course, its contributing to the economic stability of the tobacco or beer industries. Which, as an aside, brings me to this question: Why is that the ones who seem to be able to afford it the least, smoke the most? Good for nothin people come from I-knew-even-when-hes-a-kid-that-hed-never-amount-to-nothin children. Sorry: You dont ever want your sweet mama to call you this. This is the worse cuss word in the Southern language. Southerners are raised to work by the sweat of the brow and the ache of the back so they have little tolerance for those who wont work. If youre sorry, youre lazy and nothing is more vile to a Southerner than that. Cussed: Substituted for a real cuss word. Many a mule has been called cussed. It is not a compliment. Fool: The Bible says its the worse name a man can be called so in the Bible Belt, that about sums it up. If a Southerner calls you a fool, tuck tail and run. Youve done been dressed down within an inch of your life. No need to be hateful about it, I muttered to myself after an airport encounter with rudeness. Hateful! Hateful? asked a friend from New York who heard the comment. She doubled up in laughter. What is hateful? A Southern cuss word, thats what. It is our equivalent to the English bloody. Its a cuss word to be used on sinks that wont drain, hair that wont cooperate, doors that jam, lug nuts that wont budge and people who arent nice. Its quite a handy word and one that is used often around my house. So, the next time you hear that a Southerner has been cussing up a blue streak, youll know some of the words he was using. |
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