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Wednesday, May 4, 2005 | ||
Dealing with anger
By JOHN HATCHER The sixth commandment is simple enough, You shall not murder (Exodus 20:13). This commandment does not reference war or capital punishment. It refers to a personal act of brutality. No one has the right to take the law into his own hands. No one person has the right to deprive another of his life. Of course, extenuating circumstances often change the penalty for committing murder, i.e., self-defense. Most of us can live out all our days without violating the sixth commandment. Or, can we? Think of the Ten Commandments as an outline of life, the way we should live our lives. When Jesus came preaching, he filled in the outline, making it clear and plain the kind of lives we should live. Jesus felt the Sixth Commandment needed some filling in. So, while preaching the greatest sermon ever preached, The Sermon on the Mount, Jesus made reference to the old law against murder. He then clarified it when he pointed out that anger was brought into suspicion by the commandment against murder. Where does murder begin? The Message Bible paraphrases Matthew 5:21f: Youre familiar with the command to the ancients, Do not murder. I am telling you that anyone who is so much as angry with a brother or sister is guilty of murder. Anger is serious business. Its the root of murder. Everyone gets angry many times in ones life. Its a natural emotional response to certain circumstances and people in life. The Bible counsels each of us, Do not let the sun go down on your anger. If the Bible counsels us on what to do with anger, then it is assumed that God made us as creatures that get angry. Someone who does not get angry at some point in his life is not real. While in a pastoral care course in seminary, I picked up on a quickie handle to anger. First, we must name the anger. I served on staff with a minister who typically was very calm about most situations. But, as the staff took a seminar on relationships, I discovered that his code word for anger was the word concerned. When he said he was concerned about a matter, he was really saying he was angry about a matter. Code words aside, we must name it when we are angry. Many marriages would be strengthened if one spouse could say to the other, I am angry with you. The next step in the quickie guide is claiming your anger. Name it. Now, claim it. Its your anger and nobody elses. You have to get to the place where you realize that you are the one with the problem. Others may be completely unaware of your anger. So, after you name it, claim it. Once you claim your anger, then you can go about doing something with it. Next, after naming and claiming it, aim it. Where is your anger directed? No one can be angry just at the world. Anger is usually directed at three targets: yourself, someone else, or God. Anger cant be directed to something inanimate. A chair has never ticked anyone off. Falling over the chair, however, can create an instant case of anger at your clumsy self. As one of Gods representatives, I can tell you that its okay to be angry with God. Hes a big boy and can handle it. In fact, anger directed at God can be considered an expression of faith. If you are angry with God, tell him and tell him why. He may shed some light on your confusion. If you are angry at someone else, tell him or her. No one can get it right unless they know they had it wrong in the first place. If you are angry with yourself because of some stupid thing you did, get honest with yourself. So, you have named it, claimed it, and aimed it. The next step in our quickie plan is most crucial: you have to decide whether you are going to flame it or tame it. To flame it, you get out your blow torch and burn everyone in sight. You kick the cat. You pop off to your boss. You have a few choice signals as you drive home from work on a clogged interstate. Of course, flaming your anger only makes matters worse. To tame your anger, you make conscious decisions about how to best handle your problem. It may call for you to explain to someone the reason you are upset. It may be that you need to apologize sincerely for an inappropriate behavior. Taming anger prevents the sun from going down on your anger. You tame it and put it to bed properly. So you thought you had come clean of any culpability of the Sixth Commandment? But what about that temper and that attendant anger? How many hours is left before the sun does down? |
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