What happens to some people who get elected to public office?

Why is it that when some people get elected to public office, it seems as if their brain ceases to function?

I mean, it MUST cease to function because apparently these people were able to finish school, hold a job, get married, raise kids, and be otherwise “normal” in most ways. Then, they get elected and, “POOF,” the brain takes a holiday.

An example of this includes the politicians in San Juan Capistrano who decided that “Malibu lights,” those “stick in the ground lights” that illumine the sidewalks at people’s homes, must not be over 18 inches tall. Will California really slide off into the ocean if they are 18 1/16 inches tall?

Then there was the group that considered banning “fortress mailboxes” (the mailboxes that are tastefully encased in brick or stone) because someone lost control of a car and ran into one and was killed.

Unless the mailbox leaped into the center of the lane and threw itself in front of the car, I assume that the mailbox wasn’t at fault. I ask, was there a jihad conducted by rogue mailboxes somewhere that didn’t make the news?

Then there are the politicians that think that the citizens are just too dumb to know when a tree in their own yard needs to be cut down unless an expert, someone assigned that task by the politicos, signs off on it.

And how about those ordinances that forbid you to park on your own grass? OK, I understand the problem if cars are permanently parked on the front lawn. But what if there’s a birthday party for your 90-year-old mom and the people who come to celebrate inadvertently put the front tire off the concrete driveway? Does the “grass Gestapo” really need to come out and issue a warning or levy a fine?

The current “How Did this Person Get Elected Award,” however, goes to the few members of the Georgia Legislature who introduced House Bill 497.

In case you missed it, HB 497 would require a student’s report card to list the child’s BMI, or body mass index, twice a year. In other words, the school would be required to tell parents how fat their kid is.

The bill would further require that the school provide literature about diabetes, obesity, and other related factors, to the fat kid’s parents who evidently are too dumb to see that their child is overweight.

Is this really what these people were elected to do? Are the public school teachers now expected to be the “Fat Police?” Isn’t school, with all its peer pressure, tough enough on kids without being targeted by the state of Georgia for being plump?

How about if, instead of legislative finger-pointing, the politicians fund full-scale physical education programs that will guarantee that all the little Johnnies and Jennies get a sufficient amount of exercise everyday?

How about employing a sufficient number of P.E. instructors to teach the basics of sports and fitness to every kid in Georgia?

How about removing junk food from the vending machines on school property? How about evicting the Pepsi and Coke machines from the school grounds?

No, this would cost the school money and would make too much sense. Instead, let’s just put a “lard label” on a 6-year-old and see how that works out!

I propose, in return, that a report card on every member of the Georgia legislature be issued twice a year, to be published in all newspapers in the state. The politico report card could include such vital information as:

• How many meals, tickets, trips, etc., were provided by lobbyists?

• How many trips to exotic places did the politician attend on so-called “fact-finding missions?”

• How many of the politician’s relatives are employed in government?

• How many of the politician’s relatives receive state contracts or other business?

• How many votes did the politician cast? For how many votes was the politician absent? How many alcoholic drinks were consumed during the legislative session?

• Does the politician smoke? How much?

• How many pieces of inane and utterly ridiculous legislation were proposed?

• What is the politician’s Body Mass Index?

• What is the politician’s I.Q. (which could explain a lot)?

If we really have this kind of obesity problem, how about considering this: Have each child screened every couple of years (remember the hearing and vision screening of years gone by?) and have the private and confidential report mailed to the parent at their home.

At least the local playground thug can’t seize the child’s report card, see the BMI report, and start calling the kid “Little Lady Lard Bottom” for the rest of the school year.

The bill, HB 497, is not likely to see the light of day, at least for now. The public outcry has convinced at least one co-sponsor to abandon her support.

Now, if we can only get the politicians to address some genuine problems! And maybe read “Social Studies and Civics for Dummies.”