Buy me, I’m shiny!

I have a true love-hate relationship with commercials and advertising. I love the graphics and artistry behind the sales pitch, but I hate being sold something. I don’t mind being entertained. I like a clever idea. Just don’t shove it down my throat. You may get me to remember your product. However, I will refuse to buy it simply because I find the ad campaign annoying and obnoxious.

I’m not really a good example of the average American consumer. I don’t spend my money on much besides music, books, DVD’s and pizza. Car commercials are completely out of my league. There are about 500 of them on TV every night. I can’t help but wonder who is trading in their wheels every five minutes. I will pay off my truck this year and that’s it for a while. I need a little break from the payment department.

The latest Acura or Toyota ads amaze me only because of the amount of money they have obviously spent on it. It’s depressing to think that a thirty second commercial for a car cost more than what I make in a year.

It’s the same with clothing ads. I shop at T.J Maxx or Marshalls if I have to shop for clothes at all. I can’t afford Old Navy or The Gap, not to mention Macy’s and Neiman Marcus. Spending $80 on a shirt seems like total insanity. Do you know how many records or hamburgers you can get for that?

And it doesn’t help if they have people dancing around on the screen, happy as children in their new shoes. I have a brain. Most people do. We don’t jump up out of our chair and drive to the store every time a shiny, new doodad becomes available. Oh look, diamonds are on sale! Where’s my purse?

People buy stuff when they are good and ready. Some of them charge it. Some pay cash and some write checks. The vast majority of them usually need what they are getting. Impulse buys are rare. It takes a lot of willpower to stroll through a supermarket these days. It’s a minefield of Pavlovian proportions.

Every corner, every aisle all the way to the checkout lane is overflowing with cheap goodies, colorful packaging and promises of satisfaction. If you can go in and get just what you need and nothing else, consider it a major victory. Taking only enough money to buy what you came for is a good start. It’s that extra cash on hand that can get you into trouble.

I can live on spaghetti and peanut butter sandwiches. I don’t like to cook, so the more instant the better. I can eat spaghetti for a week and be perfectly happy. It’s the one thing I prepare and I make a ton of it. As Spartan as this diet may seem, I must admit that I am as big a sucker for unnecessary purchases as the next person.

Give me a few bucks, let me loose at Best Buy and watch me go! I’ll buy more DVDs than it is humanly possible to sit through. Drop me off in front of Tower Records and pray that I don’t leave with the whole store in a big bag. I also advise that you keep me away from giant bookstores with lots of markdowns. I’d have to be the undead to read all the books, magazines and comics I’ve amassed in my house.

So I guess I’m just as bad as everyone else who fill up their carts with a pile of new clothes or racks up a huge bill at Linens and Things. We all love to spend money on stuff. Personally, I prefer to buy things that I can repeatedly watch, read or listen to. Food isn’t forever. Clothes you outgrow or launder to death. Stuff for your car or the yard is outside. I go out for fresh air and sun, but I don’t stay out there. I use my car to go places. I’m not real concerned how chromed-out it can get.

We all have our obsessions and Madison Avenue knows this. I might be able to completely ignore most advertising. Much of it doesn’t even register. I’m not the target audience they are aiming at. On the other hand, I will absorb every graphic in the latest oddball music mags such as Mojo and Magnet. I’m a sucker for an artsy, cryptic illustration that reveals nothing about its content. I will buy it if I see it and kick myself later if it does not please me.

Oh well, I’m only human. I have my needs. They don’t make any real sense, but neither do a lot of the ads that get me to buy them. Should we congratulate these clever folks for leading us on or should we demonize them for making us slaves to their every whim? I might be able to answer that question if I could think for myself.