Going crazy over hot pink stilettos


		Wednesday, Jan. 19, 2005

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Going crazy over hot pink stilettos

Ronda Rich is the author of “What Southern Women Know (That Every Woman Should)” and “My Life In The Pits.” She lives in Gainesville, Ga.
E-mail her at southswomen@bellsouth.net

By RONDA RICH

I have lost my mind. It all became clearly apparent thanks to a pair of hot pink patent leather, four-inch stiletto high heels designed by a man with a name difficult to pronounce.

The Neiman-Marcus catalog arrived. The one that always has a notice printed on the front that threatens to discontinue sending the expensive, stylish propaganda if I don’t order soon.

It always sternly states that it will be my last but it never is, despite the fact that I never can seem to find a $3,500 suit that strikes my fancy.

I was flipping through its pages the other day when first I saw them. My heart jumped with the delight of a child on Christmas morning when I eyed the hot pink Manolo Blahnik pumps that were cotton-candy pretty and, to me, just as sweet.

In a crazed frenzy, I grabbed the phone to place my order for the jazzy shoes.

“I’m sorry,” the nice lady in Dallas, Texas said. “But we’re completely out.”

“But I just got the catalog today!” I protested.

“It’s a misprint. We don’t have the shoes.”

Neiman-Marcus may not have had them but I was determined that I would. That’s before I realized I had finally lost my ever-loving mind. I didn’t know then that it was gone like the blooms from a Bradford pear tree on a wildly windy spring day.

I spent all morning on the phone, calling snooty stores from coast-to-coast, begging them to sell me a pair of $500 shoes. From Bergdorf Goodman in New York to Barneys in Los Angeles and all snooty points in between, I called and begged in a pathetic, unattractive way.

This is simply absurd: Begging stores to take $500 from me for one pair of shoes.

One by one, they all told me that the shoes were sold out before they hit the stores.

How on earth do shoes sell out before they get to the store? Especially when they cost $500?

Never fear, though. God takes care of drunks, fools and impetuous women who fall in love with a pair of hot pink high heels that are nothing short of darling.

You know how fashion magazines will take the pricey fashion version and then show the reasonably priced one? Well, that’s what happened to me.

I was shopping and, accidentally, found the poor girl’s version of the Manolos. Hot pink patent leather with pointed toes and three-inch high heels. On sale, they cost a tenth of the price of the others. The extra inch on the Manolo heels cost $450, pretty expensive for a tiny piece of spindle.

I snapped them up and, in the bargain, discovered that my mind had only been temporarily misplaced. Not lost completely.

I’m worried, though. Mama always says that crazy runs in the family. And although Southerners wear craziness like a badge of honor, I was hoping to put it off for a few more years. Then, when I wasn’t looking, I got snookered. It dressed itself up as a gorgeous pair of stiletto heels and walked right into my life.

However, I don’t think that I was ever in real danger of plunking down $500 for a pair of high heels. Apparently, it is the policy of those high-faluting, fancy stores not to sell Manolo Blahniks to anyone who cannot correctly pronounce his name.