Wednesday, May 26, 2004

"What to wear?" is an important question

By RONDA RICH
Contributing Writer

“You do know,” a friend of mine, a man I admire, asked, “that guys never understand why you women have so much trouble finding something to wear? It’s so simple to us. We just find a shirt and a pair of slacks that fit and that’s all there is to it.”

I thought instantly of President John F. Kennedy’s comment when he greeted a breakfast crowd in Texas who begged to see his wife on the day that he would meet death in Dallas. “Mrs. Kennedy,” he replied with a proud smile, “is still upstairs dressing. It always takes her longer than me but then she always looks much better.”

I thought of providing that insight but, for once, bit back words that would have been useless. Men will never understand all that goes into being a fashion-conscious woman. Especially if you’re a Southern woman in a land where, regardless of what Vogue magazine proclaims is now acceptable, white shoes are never worn after Labor Day and suede is forbidden after Easter.

We have our own standards and they are mighty high. We still prefer shoes and purses that coordinate, earrings are never forgotten and our lingerie matches.

My girlfriends still laugh about the time I fought valiantly for Southern womanhood on the popular television show, “The View.” Meredith Veira, shaking her head, asked incredulously, “What’s this about you Southern gals matching your underwear?”

My eyes widened and equally incredulously while shaking my head, I replied. “You mean you don’t?”

I am proud to be different from the opposite sex on this matter, even if it means hours or days of shopping for the right dress for an important event.

Men care only that their clothes fit. We expect them to both fit and flatter.

For most men, any color will do as long as it’s drab. Navy, I have noticed, is the male favorite. For us, the selection of color is much more complex.

It must complement our skin and hair and be slimming as well as eye-catching. It definitely must also color outfits that will be prettier than the ones our best friends wear.

This isn’t easy to find. It certainly isn’t a “simple” task of walking into a store, snatching it off the rack, then hurrying to the cash register. Instead, it requires the kind of diligent research and meticulous planning that Southern mothers instill in their daughters as soundly as the art of writing thank you notes.

Good grooming is equal in importance to good manners and you know how Southern mothers feel about those. It’s part of what we call Southern sensibilities.

But, sadly, here’s what my friend and other men are always missing: We do it for them as much as for ourselves. Yet, rather than brag on us for it as they should be doing, they like to taunt and tease us as though they have forgotten how proud they feel when we are powdered, perfumed, and prepared to perfection and tucked close to their side at a party. On those occasions, we are simultaneously charming and a charm to the man who escorts us. We strive to always be unforgettable.

President Kennedy brilliantly knew that. And, he was right. After all, who doesn’t remember that vivid raspberry colored, Chanel-inspired boucle suit that his wife was wearing that historic day?

[Ronda Rich is the author of “What Southern Women Know (That Every Woman Should)” and “My Life In The Pits.” She lives in Gainesville, Ga.]

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