Wednesday, May 26, 2004
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Wednesday, May 26, 2004 |
Scott's time may be measured in days[Editor’s note: Fayetteville wife and mother Richelle Jordan has been sharing with readers of The Citizen the experiences of her family during the illness of her husband Scott, a former Cooper Lighting employee who has been battling a brain tumor for more than two years. Scott was admitted to Southwest Christian Hospice in Union City earlier this year. The following was received during the weekend.] Lately my e-mails have been few and far between, but even though it has only been about a week, I find the need to share some changes that are going on. Scott appears to quickly be declining physically and mentally. Seeing his decline is especially draining on family and close friends. But, no matter how tough I may feel this is for us onlookers, my heart aches as I realize that our frustrations are nothing compared to what he must be going through. Of course, in typical Scott fashion, he continues to be relatively calm and never complains. Thankfully, he continues to be free from pain, but is periodically in a confused state. I’m not sure if this is the tumor, a combination of new medications or sleep deprivation. Scott continues to cough a good bit, so I know he doesn’t sleep as well as he should. One evening this week, Scott had been speaking with a weak voice and in a confused manner. When I stepped into the hallway, I practically ran into one of the nurses. Cheryl could see the upset in my eyes and offered a loving hug. I explained that it has been so very hard to watch his strong body waste away, but I felt like I could tolerate that. I’ve often taken comfort in the fact that his mind has continued to be relatively sharp for so long, but now that is starting to go. With wonderful wisdom, she replied that she understands how hard it is for loved ones to see patients go through this stage. But, she feels God actually clouds their perception so that they don’t really know what’s going on during this time. Although it will be tough on those of us who love him, it will enable Scott to have a greater peace. Upon checking with a couple of the nurses and reading the hospice literature, it appears (although there is really no way to know) that we may be looking at only one to two more weeks. It’s tough to stomach those kinds of numbers. During Sunday School class today, there were so many consoling, encouraging words coming from my peers as they reminded me of Scott’s treasure in heaven. Yes, I am excited and greatly comforted about the promise of heaven. A certain peace surrounds this whirlwind situation that could only come from God. Despite eternal promises, I cannot begin to imagine how much I will miss him being here with me. I pledged my heart to him years ago and we have truly grown together. Scott is such an incredible complement to me and I know there will be a big gap there. We were supposed to get old together, and his eyesight was supposed to fade in relation to the number of wrinkles I got as the years went by. :) I understand getting old together is not God’s plan, but it will hurt deeply to be without Scott. It will be tough to raise these children without their wonderful daddy in the picture. Having his love has filled me so much over these years and I will hold tightly to our wonderful memories. I believe that we possess a love that is very unique and special. I don’t know how, but Scott manages to fill my life and heart with an incredible joy that has always been present. Despite all the challenges we have faced over these two years, I am still proud to call him my husband. I realize how blessed I am to have his love. Richelle Jordan Fayetteville, Ga. |
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