Wednesday, January 28, 2004

Lessons from my father

By GREGORY K. MOFFATT, PH. D
Child's Play

Over the Christmas holidays I spent several days with my parents who live in Florida. Listening to them reminisce with my own children during that visit I realized how much my dad taught me during my childhood. Her are a few things I learned from my father.

My father taught me the value of honesty and integrity. I can think of almost no one whom I would trust more than my father. He, like Abraham Lincoln, would walk a mile to return a penny. If he borrowed an item from a neighbor, he would return it in better condition than when he borrowed it and he would return it when he said he would. My father has served as a treasurer for more than one organization. I know that every single penny is accounted for and that he treats the money of the organizations that have entrusted that responsibility to him as if it were his own. I not only have seen this in him in my adult years, but I recognized this in his behavior when I was a child.

Even though it was a hard lesson for me to learn, my dad also taught me the value of money. We lived in a very tiny home when I was small. In fact, the person who bought my childhood home made my bedroom a closet. We didn’t take extravagant vacations and we didn’t wear the latest clothes. My children get more toys in a single Christmas holiday than I got in most of my Christmases combined. I got my first job when I was in the sixth grade and I’ve worked ever since. But this list is not a list of complaints. I didn’t understand it then, but I realize that my dad was teaching me an ethic — the value of something worked for. Without that ethic, I wouldn’t be who I am today.

My father taught me to work hard and to enjoy my work. When I was little, I once asked him if he liked his job. He said he enjoyed working. I couldn’t understand that as a kid. How could anyone like working? Yet never did I ever hear him complain - not about his job, his boss, or his household chores. I’m sure he may have complained at one time or another, but it was at least minimal enough that I don’t remember it. From him I learned to love what I do and to take pride in what I produce - things both big and small.

He taught me to respect other people. I honestly cannot remember ever hearing my father speak in a derogatory or ugly tone about anyone. He never spoke unkindly to my mother, my sisters, or me. It is kind of staggering when you think about it. Even though I try to respect all people, I don’t think my children could say that of me. I think of him when I’m about to say something I shouldn’t.

My father taught me discipline. Even though he was a “disciplinarian,” that isn’t the kind of discipline I’m talking about. He taught me self-discipline - how to wait and to work for the things that matter. My father taught me to be self-sufficient and to look into the future and see a goal to aim for. Of all the things my father taught me, this was probably the most important one. I would never have finished my Ph.D., began teaching in college at age 25, written books, or done half of the things I’ve done today. Even more importantly, self-discipline has caused me to work hard at being a husband and father even when I don’t always feel like it. “Discipline and perseverance” has been my mantra and my father instilled that in me.

Don’t get me wrong. My dad isn’t perfect and he would be the first to admit it. (Humility is another one of his characteristics.) However, what I recognize is that my dad worked hard to teach me many things. I’m sure I missed some of the lessons, but these are few I learned and they have served me quite well. I also believe they have made me a better man. I hope my children will feel the same when they grow up.