By DAVID EPPS
Pastor

I had my fourth “Grandparent’s Day Lunch” of the school year last week. I have six grandchildren and four of them attend elementary school, with the remaining two being younger. Last month, I had three lunches in one day at Eastside Elementary and, last week, I took the fourth meal at Elm Street Elementary. When I was younger, I couldn’t fathom that, one day, I would actually return to elementary school and willingly pay for school cafeteria food.

If I recall correctly, broccoli, cooked until it was limp and light green, was the main dish back in my day, followed closely by cooked cabbage, the smell of which would linger for the entire day. I was always so grateful when my mother would prepare a bag lunch for me. Peanut butter and jelly won out over broccoli and cabbage every time, in my book. But, actually, these four meals, the food was quite good. I had pizza the first three meals and a cheeseburger at the fourth. I did have the opportunity to make several interesting observations:

• First of all, grandkids are terribly excited when the grandparents come to school. It’s almost like a VIP has come to the lunchroom and the kids want the other kids to see their grandparents. “This is my grandfather,” the kids proudly said as they introduced me to their teachers as though I were the governor of the state. My grandsons and granddaughter introduced me to more of their friends than I could count, each time beaming with pride and delight. It makes a fellow feel a bit humble.

• Secondly, it’s a good time to be reminded of how far things have come since you were in elementary school. The food has improved quite a bit and I don’t ever remember the cafeteria workers being as friendly as those I encountered this year. When I was a kid, we were pretty sure that both the cafeteria workers and the food were left over from the Nazi era. Not so these days! The food was tasty and the workers were smiling, friendly, and helpful.

• I also noticed that, on Grandparents Day, several children did not have their grandparents present but that a parent ate lunch with them instead. One young mother told me that all of her child’s grandparents lived in Oklahoma and, obviously, couldn’t attend, but she wanted to be at the lunch for her daughter. That was nice, I thought. Evidently, several other parents were in the same situation and the kids seemed to be just as excited over their parents being present as the other kids were about Gramps being at school.

• I also couldn’t help but notice that the children who had no adult present seemed to feel left out. Several children would gather around a classmate’s grandparent, almost seeming to want to “adopt” the older person for at least a few moments. One little boy told me his name and kept holding on to me and telling me all about himself. He seemed starved for adult attention. Others seemed subdued, almost sad. It made me very glad that I was in attendance at Grandparents Day.

Many of these children are growing up without any sort of extended family. Dad may be from New York, Mom from California, and the children may have been born in Indiana and here they all are now in Georgia. Grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, and the rest of the extended family are nonexistent. And a whopping 40 percent of these kids will eventually find themselves in a one parent home with the non-custodial parent seeing them four to six days a month. Add all this to the fact that a good number of these children catch the bus at 7 a.m. and get picked up at “after school” around 6 p.m., it’s no wonder that they are hungry for some adult besides their teacher to pay them some attention.

Parents, of course, try to make up for their lack of adult influence in their young one’s life by taking them to dance, karate, soccer, baseball or some other activity where yet another adult, and not the parent, influences the child’s life for several more hours a week.

I don’t recall that my school had a “Parent’s Day” or a “Grandparent’s Day” when I was in elementary school. But, then, I suppose there was no need in those days. The kids were home by 4 p.m., both parents were at home by 5:30 p.m., and, on Sundays, we all gathered at the grandparents’ house, along with aunts, uncles, and cousins, and shared a common life and built memories. My dad often worked two jobs, but Grandpa was there to take me fishing on a regular basis.

I realize that times and circumstances change, “some forever, not for better,” as the Beatles sang, but, I fear, the price that will have to be paid for our current way of life and living will be paid, not by us, but by the children. Children like the little 6-year-old girl who sat all alone and sad, eating her lunch from a paper bag, during Grandparent’s Day when no one came to share a lunch with her.

[Father David Epps is rector of Christ the King Charismatic Episcopal Church. He may be contacted at FatherDavidEpps@aol.com or at www.ctkcec.org.]

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