Choosing your words carefully

By MARY JANE HOLT
Contributing Writer

Recently I had the opportunity to speak to a large, very upbeat, glowing group of cancer survivors in Newnan. They meet monthly at First Baptist Church. In the midst of my talk, I heard myself discussing how the words we speak affect our health.

I’ve been determined for some time now to eliminate phrases like, “My heart is breaking,” “I have a gut feeling,” and “You are just being a pain in the _____” from my vocabulary.

It has become quite clear to me that we should be extraordinarily cautious about the words we speak. We should be so for many reasons, but especially because we become them.

For instance, if I say I am sick, really sick, then I am sick in a present, ongoing state of ill health. If I say I have been really sick, then that may or may not indicate that I am still sick, but just that little twist of wording gives me hope.

“Have been” validates. It acknowledges the reality of what has been, and still may be going on, but it does not claim ongoing, continuing, controlling ownership. I don't take the words into my mind, heart, and soul quite like when I say, “I am.”

When you choose to use the words “I am,” use them carefully, wisely and affirmatively — always positively, not negatively.

Think about the power of those two words. Consider the story of how when God called on Moses to deliver his people from the bondage of Egypt, Moses asked God, “When I go down to my people and tell them that the God of their Fathers has sent me to set them free, what shall I tell them is His name?”

And God said to Moses, “I am who I am. Tell them I AM has sent me to you.” Can you imagine the power of such an ever present presence?

To my knowledge, God is the only figure in all of known history who has ever made, or can ever make, such a claim of completeness and omnipotent, ongoing power. All the rest of us are ever-evolving. Always becoming. Changing all the time.

Think with me about an incident from your past. Any incident. Go back to your childhood. Did you ever cry in front of other eight year olds? Did someone call you a cry baby?

An hour, a day, a week later you had learned your lesson from that crying episode. You may never have cried again in front of your peers of that time period in your life. But for a brief moment or an eternity, depending on how much you accepted that label, you became the label.

Think about how much control you have over word usage and labels.

We would not walk away from the experience of being called a crybaby and say to everyone a month later or a year later, “I am a crybaby.”

Yet, we will walk out of the doctor’s office on any given day and say to family, friends, concerned coworkers: I am a diabetic. I am an asthmatic. I am manic-depressive. I am hypertensive.

I don't even like “I am an alcoholic or I am a drug addict!”

How about:

• I have been having a blood sugar problem, but we are getting it under control.

• I’ve been wheezing a little (or a lot) but we are working to make it go away.

• I’ve had a bad drinking problem, or it’s had me, but we are, by the grace of God, getting the upper hand.

Note the word “we” as used above — we is almost always more effective that I. And recognize the difference: I am, I am, I am versus I have been, I’ve been, I have had.

And please, never use the word “victim,” as in “I am a rape victim,” “I am a brain injury victim,” “I am an abuse victim,” “I am a cancer victim.”

“Victim” may work beautifully in the courts, but in real life, it wreaks havoc. It is a horrible label. No matter what happens to you or around you, you are a victim only if you choose to be. And “I am” coupled with “victim” is disastrous.

I invite you to think about the words you use daily and consider how cleaning up your vocabulary could do wonders for your health.

For information about that cancer support group I mentioned above call 770-252-0894. To contact me directly call 770-460-5000.