Friday, October 17, 2003 |
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country built on duct tape and WD-40
By Rick Ryckeley What built the country and made it great weren’t the great inventers of our time like Benjamin Franklin, Einstein, or Bill Gates. It wasn’t the founding fathers Thomas Jefferson, John Adams, or even George Washington. (Side note: The Wife informs me that good old George never did chop down a cherry tree. I also heard that Martha Washington made one mean cherry pie. Guess I was wrong with that also.) So if it wasn’t the founding fathers that made this country great, just what was it? Was it the huddled masses fleeing from high taxes and religious persecution abroad? Nope. What built this country and made it great are none other than duct tape and WD-40! Yes, duct tape, that mighty sticky, waterproof, silver-backed tape. Originally a waterproof tape invented during WWII to keep ammunition boxes dry, duct tape has unrolled itself and stuck to Americans like, well, like the sticky tape that it is. To be an expert with duct tape and WD-40, you need only to remember the two simple rules my grandfather passed down to my dad, who then passed down to me, and I’ve passed down to The Boy. Rule number one: If it moves and it shouldn’t, just use duct tape. Back in the day, the only color duct tape came in was silver. This is not so anymore. The local hardware store with the orange roof not only has silver duct tape, but also green, orange, and black. Just in time for my new Halloween yard display! (Side note: You know it’s just six short weeks till you’ll see giant, inflatable yard spiders once again crawling around the county. Can’t wait till the Wife sees what I’ve got in store for the yard decorations this year; but this article is about duct tape and WD-40. The scary Halloween article will be creeping around soon.) Duct tape is so popular that now it even comes in designer colors like clear and pink! Wandering up and down the aisles of our local book store/coffee shop the other day while I was waiting for The Wife to get her Mocha-choka-latta-thingie, I spotted a little round silver book. An entire book on duct tape - cool! The two authors said that this was their fourth book on the subject. They missed some of the uses of that famous silver tape, but have no fear faithful reader, so you’ll not be deprived — I’ve listed them below. Pull off several pieces of tape about three feet long and hang them down from the ceiling. When bugs fly into them, they’ll get stuck. At the end of the day, just dispose of the fly-filled strips. If you hang strips outside, just think of how many mosquitoes you could catch on just one roll. West Nile cured in one afternoon by duct tape! Duct tape can make a fashion statement and make your clothes last longer. When your kids get holes in their blue jeans, just do what my dad did and cover them up with duct tape. Your kids will be on the cutting edge of fashion. To make those shoes last longer when the soles wears out, don’t throw them away; just duct-tape them back together! One roll of duct tape can keep a worn-out pair of tennis shoes together for over a year — just ask The Boy. Rule number two: If it should move and it doesn’t, then use WD-40. This rule has kept me from getting stuck many times. (Sorry about that one.) Once, Big Brother James used duct tape to tape Twin Brother Mark and me together. We stayed that way till Dad got home. He had to use an entire can of WD-40 to slip us out of all that tape. It was a can of WD-40 that Twin Brother Mark and I used to grease the wood hallway outside of Big Brother James’s bedroom — right before we bombarded him with six water balloons. Sure was funny to see him slipping all the way down the hallway trying to get at us. We thought we’d won till the next morning when we woke up duct-taped to our twin beds.Four books published about the many uses of duct tape! Those guys are going to make a pile of money. Now why didn’t I think of that? How about a book on the many uses of WD-40? Look for it coming soon to a book store near you. [Rick Ryckeley is employed by the Fayette County Department of Fire and Emergency Services. He can be reached at saferick@bellsouth.net.] |