Friday, July 18, 2003
Friday, July 18, 2003 |
| Life
lessons learned
By Rick Ryckeley In the course of my short stay here on this world, I have learned many things some helpful, some not so helpful. I have made many goofs some big, some small. The following is a list of some of the helpful stuff, life's lessons, as you may, that I have learned. It is with hope that in reading them, they will keep you from making the same goofs and, hopefully, keep you safe and out of trouble. Besides, I need to tell someone - my teenager won't listen to me. Life lessons learned while on vacation: The Wife says rest stops on the highway are placed strategically two hours apart for a reason. I have been informed if I know what's good for me I'd better stop at each one of them. Going with the flow of traffic is not an excuse for speeding least that's what the police officer said. If you're gonna go the posted speed limit stay in the right lane so the speeders can fly past in the left. If you don't they will give you a friendly little wave as they go by. One inch on a map translates into two hours of driving and one rest stop. You only get lost when your car is on empty. On vacations, you always get lost. Before going on a vacation, you can't wait to get away from your house. At the end of a vacation, you can't wait to get back home. Jamestown had 500 settlers living there in 1607. By 1609 only 60 were still alive. Seeing how they lived way back then, I would not have lasted 60 days. There are no Mercedes repair shops in Colonial Williamsburg. Life lessons learned about children: If you think you have your life in order and can deal with anything, just have a couple of kids. No matter how much you plead, teenagers won't listen to you. If teenagers ran the country, they could fix everything in a day. Everything you said you would never do when you have kids you will. Getting called to the principal's office is just as bad when you're an adult as when you're a kid. It takes three large packs of cherry Jell-O to turn an entire aquarium into fish Jell-O. You can buy $40 tickets, get cokes, get the best seats in the house, but you can't make a ten and thirteen year-old pay attention to a play about Thomas Jefferson and John Adams. No matter how riveting it is. They will be more interested in the spider web and the spider coming down from the ceiling. Life lessons learned about family: No matter how much encouragement you get from your bothers, it's never a good idea to pop your sister's new bra strap or that of any other girls for that matter. Don't throw a rubber snake on Dad when he's sleeping on the couch after a hard days work. Visits from family are like fish after three days, it's about time to throw both of them out. Life lessons learned about home-sweet-home: Nothing destroys a home like home improvement. Any home improvement job you say will take only ten minutes will take three hours and two trips to the hardware store. The tool you need to finish the ten minute home improvement job you sold in a garage sale last month for two dollars. The new tool will cost $30. If you borrow the tool you need from your best friend, it will break and you will have to buy him a new one or get a new friend - which ever is cheaper. No matter what colors The Wife picks out to repaint the rooms in the house, you will love them. If the dryer breaks and you have to buy a new one, the washer will also break within two months. Kitchens are never big enough. You never have enough closets. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence that's because it's over a septic tank. Life lessons learned while on the job: All jobs have two very important rules: rule number one the boss is always right. Rule number two when in doubt, refer to rule number one. Every job has a book of rules and regulations; you don't want to be the reason why they add a new one. A couple of parting tips on computers: Typing on a computer during an electrical storm can cause you to lose the entire document one is writing for the newspaper, making you start over from scratch. If you don't listen to The Wife and continue writing during the affordmentioned electrical storm, it can cause you to fry your computer. New computer and e-mail address coming soon. [Rick Ryckeley is employed by the Fayette County Department of Fire and Emergency Services.] |