Friday, June 27, 2003

By Rick Ryckeley
Fayette County Fire & Emergency Services

Early on in Ms. Newsome's third-grade class, I learned three valuable lessons.

The first was not to make fun of the kid who had to stand with his nose in the corner. Ms. Newsome's classroom had four corners, as she didn't mind using all of them.

The second was time-out meant get-out. When you misbehaved in Ms. Newsome's class, she would simply put your desk out in the hallway, and that's were you spent the rest of the day.

The first two lessons I learned aren't very relevant today. Teachers don't make students stand in corners anymore - and for good reason. Soon they would run out of corners. They don't put desks out in the hallway anymore 'cause it's a fire hazard - can't block the hallways with all those desks.

But the third lesson I learned in Ms. Newsome's class is as important today as it was way-back-when, and kids should take note of it: Eating a bug does not impress a girl. Especially a girl named Jenny.

Jenny had been my sweetheart since the third grade, and our relationship was perfect. We had an understanding, a connection that went way beyond words. By the tenth grade, I had finally decided that it was time to make my feelings known and tell her she was my one and only, which was a big surprise to her current boyfriend, Preston Weston.

Preston Weston lived on Gloucester Street, one street over from Flamingo Street. People with money lived on Gloucester Street, and Preston's family had more than most. Guess that's why Jenny was his girlfriend - that and he probably didn't try to impress her by eating a bug in the third grade. I should have known something was up when Down-The-Street Bully Brad was being nice to me and said, "Go ahead, eating a bug will impress Jenny."

Preston was well-known and well liked by many; he was the captain of the football team and had straight A's in all his classes. I was well known also - for eating a bug in the third grade. Some things kids just don't let you forget.

During the summer, Preston's family went on vacation and traveled. They traveled the entire summer - all the kids on Gloucester Street did. We went on vacation and traveled also - we traveled over to Cliff Condos and Neighbor Thomas' house. Jumping off the top of Cliff Condos and playing in Thomas' pool was like a vacation ­ well, sort of. For the remainder of my time in high school, I tried to be just like Preston.

I bugged Mom (no pun intended) 'til she bought me the same clothes that Preston wore, but we could only afford one shirt and one pair of pants and a $25 pair of Keds tennis shoes. Preston wore some expensive clothes! I tried to walk like him, talk like him, I even tried the ultimate sacrifice ­ studying to get better grades like him. All in hope of impressing Jenny, but alas, it was to no avail. Jenny just didn't want anything to do with a bug-eater.

I told The Wife the story of Jenny the other day, and like always, she gave me some good advice. She said, "The best way to impress a girl is to be yourself. They don't like it when you try to be someone you're not. If they really like you they don't care if you live in a big house, have nice clothes or even have lots of money. They'll like you for just being you." She also said if I ever wanted to kiss her again, she'd better not catch me eating any more bugs. I told her my bug-eating days were long ago.

I got bitten by a tick last week and tried to pull it off; unfortunately I didn't get all of it. That afternoon I started to feel bad so I called my friend The Health Inspector. He said, "If you pull off a tick make sure you get the head." When I told him I didn't, he asked me how I looked. "Terrible!" I answered.

He said, "That's too bad, the doctor can't do anything about that, but if you don't feel good you need to go in and get checked out." Then he asked, "Your not eating bugs again are you?" My friend The Health Inspector; such a funny guy.

The next day it was off to see Doctor Jim. "Doc, I think I have Lyme disease," I said. "When I wake up in the morning, all of my joints hurt, and I hear creaks and pops. By the end of the day, the muscles in my arms and legs are weak."

He examined me and left to run some tests. Thirty minutes later, he came back with the results.

He said, "Well I've got good news and bad news. The good news is you don't have Lyme disease. The bad news is your joints and muscles hurt all the time because you're getting old, and there's nothing I can do about that." That Doc Jim - he's a funny guy too.

This summer if you go to the mountains camping, make sure you bring some citronella candles with you to ward off any flying insects around the camp site. Spray shoes, socks, and long pants with a bug spray that has "DEET." Be sure to check with your doctor to see if it's alright for children. If you get tired of hiking and the fish aren't biting, you can help you kids start a bug collection. Trust me; the North Georgia mountains have some very big bugs. Besides, ya never know when they might meet a girl named Jenny.

[Rick Ryckeley is employed by the Fayette County Department of Fire and Emergency Services. He can be reached at firemanr@bellsouth.net.]

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