Wednesday, June 25, 2003

Three-headed monster

Balancing child care, home care and job can sap the energy of women

By MARSHA ERICKSON
Knight Ridder Newspapers

Any mother could appreciate some time for herself.

"The women that I work with often tell me that they feel overwhelmed that there's too much to do and not enough time to do it," said Pam Solberg-Tapper, a certified life coach from Hermantown, Minn. "What happens is that they try to be everything to everybody, and they end up selling themselves short."

Juggling multiple obligations involving family, friends and career can make even the healthiest person feel out of balance.

"It zaps your energy, which in turn affects how you eat, how you sleep and how you care for your physical self," said Solberg-Tapper. "That's why it's essential for women to find some balance."

While there is no single recipe for achieving life balance, the experts recommend starting with self-care. According to Solberg-Tapper, women often are busy attending to everyone else's needs and not their own.

"If we don't take care of ourselves, we are actually less able to take care of others," she said.

"As mothers, we need to care first about who we are we must honor our own values and needs," said life coach Chere Bork of Eden Prairie, Minn., who owns a small business owner and has two teenage children.

"Happiness is liking who you are, what you do and how you do it. But it all starts with who you are," she said.

Bork and Solberg-Tapper offered these additional tips for restoring life balance:

· Decide which parts of your life are most important and which parts require less of your attention. Then learn to say no. If necessary, cut back on some of your commitments.

· Delegate chores, and accept the results of the finished product. It's OK if it's not done perfectly.

· Each day, think of five things you are thankful for. This offers a positive shift for your mindset.

· Stop trying to be perfect in all things. Do your best in the time that you have.

· Be active in any way you can. When you exercise, your body releases "feel good" hormones, called endorphins. Physical activity also redirects your attention, and helps you to gain a better perspective.

· Get adequate rest. A healthy sleep cycle makes it easier to cope with life in general.

· Do one nice thing for yourself each day. Choose something that brings you joy.