Wednesday, June 25, 2003

Children are my teachers

By GREGORY K. MOFFATT, PH. D
Child's Play

For close to two decades I have spent my days studying children, consulting with others about children, in therapy with children, and raising my own. I coach little league soccer, I'm in a grade school at least once a week, and I regularly work with babies and toddlers at my church. I look for opportunities to be around children.

I know some people consider my work with children as an altruistic act, but the truth is my motives are partially selfish. Children energize me. After a five-hour field trip with kindergarten children, I have more energy than I did when we started.

Children not only give me energy, but when I pay close attention they remind me of some of life's most important lessons. These are some of those lessons.

I've learned to find pleasure in little things. While I'm busy worrying about balancing my checkbook, world events, or my job, my son is outside noticing the beauty of a beetle or a butterfly, the interesting way that water forms on a spider's web in the morning, or the pleasure of swinging on the playground and making up a song. On a bus ride while I'm thinking about reaching my destination, the children around me are enjoying each other, looking out the window counting cows or telling funny stories about each other. Children teach me to slow down, laugh more, and live in the moment.

Children remind me of the importance of touch. They have no understanding of personal space or privacy lessons they will eventually learn but the purity of closeness with children is powerful. They aren't afraid to hold hands, to give a hug to someone they like, or to kiss the forehead of someone who is feeling sad. They don't have to worry about lawyers, lawsuits, allegations, or innuendo. They simply act out what they feel. I can gauge my son's moods by how much energy he puts into a hug. When he is really excited and happy to see me, he makes a running start before he hugs me. This tells me how much he missed me. At bedtime he once told me that when I was gone he missed me "one thousand kisses." Children teach me how to be close to another human being.

Children constantly remind me how readily they accept the differences of others. Skin color, gender, size, birth defects, and language differences are easily overcome for children. They notice differences immediately, but they accept them almost as quickly. I have observed children on the playground helping a child in a wheel chair move from one area to another so the child could at least watch the other children play ball. They matter-of-factly accept situations as they are and go from there - no blame, no accusations, no condemnation, and no superior attitude. From children I've learned to look beyond the surface.

When I am around children, I remember how important it is to forget. Adults work hard at remembering things, but we fail to realize that some things should be forgotten. A child can quickly go from an embarrassing or hurtful situation back to "business as usual" when he or she is distracted by something more important. The memory of the bad experience can fade into oblivion when more important things are at hand. How many times have we all spent energy stewing over some embarrassing or hurtful event when it would have been much healthier just to let it go? From children I am reminded to forget.

From children I have learned the importance of forgiveness. When I have had to apologize to my children for a thoughtless remark I have made, they have always forgiven me. They take me at my word when I say, "I'm sorry." Their ready acceptance makes it much easier to forgive myself and the good feeling that brings to me reminds me how important it is that I learn to for give others when they have hurt me. Children teach me this important lesson.

When I play with children, they often see me as just another playmate. Even though I'm Kara's dad, or Benjamin's dad, I'm not too big to have fun and that is good enough for them. Even though I recognize that they have much to learn from me, it is I who feel like I'm getting the better end of the deal.