Friday, June 6, 2003
Friday, June 6, 2003 |
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world without men
By Rick Ryckeley The Wife and I tried out the new micro-brewery and steakhouse the other night. We had heard there would be over an hour wait. Knowing me as she does, The Wife was worried, but we went anyway. When we arrived, the line was already out the door and it wasn't even seven o'clock. I told her, "Its okay, it's a micro-brewery; I'm sure we'll find something to do while we wait for our table." Once inside, the place was truly impressive with a long bar that ran the length of the first level. The walls and A frame ceiling were all made out of logs which gave the restaurant an open-air, rustic ambiance. A wood staircase led up to the second level loft. We didn't make our way up there; micro-brewery, ya know. We sat down and, while waiting for a table, couldn't help but overhear the conversation from the next barstool. A nice young lady said to her girlfriend, "I've been dating Steve for the last two years and he just dumped me, can you believe that? Men! Sometimes I wish there were no men in the world." A world without men, I thought; now that could be a very interesting place. I have always been under the impression that if women had anything else they could date, us menfolk would have been out of luck long ago. Lucky for us, they don't. But what if there were a world without men? What would it be like, how would it be run, and who would be president? Warning to reader: The following is a stereotypical depiction of such a world; I know, 'cause The Wife said it was. In a world without men there would be no divorce, 'cause there would be no men. In such a world, children would always be taken care of. Ever seen a mother tiger turn her back and leave her cubs? Every boo-boo and owee would be kissed, and tears wiped gently away from crying young eyes. In such a world no one would say, "Don't do that; you'll make a sissy out of him." Yes, things certainly would be different in a world without men. Everything would be organized and clean with no stacks and piles of stuff anywhere. There would be no unfinished projects in any house, and everyone would be able to sit down and eat dinner as a family. There would be no sports channels on TV; they would all be replaced with home shopping networks. In fact, there would be no sports at all; school-age children would concentrate purely on academics while in school, a truly novel concept in today's society. A world without men would not just be without sports; it would also be void of certain businesses. In a world without men, there would be no professional wrestling, no NASCAR racing, the lounge chair industry would be on the recline, and beer sales would spiral almost out of existent. The world without men a very different place indeed! All the corner hardware stores would be closed, and in each place, a Starbucks would open up. No matter what size clothes you buy, it would always say a size 6 on the label. All government agencies would be run as efficiently as households are run, budgets would tighten and wasteful spending done away with. There would be no $600 toilet seats, unless they were heated. There would be no arguments on how the government should be run in the world without men; there would be no reason. Have you ever won an argument with your wife? Oprah Winfrey would be president, and Martha Stewart would be her vice-president. There would be no war 'cause men always start the wars. Well, except that Helen of Troy person, but that's ancient history. The world without men would be an interesting place, but the world without women, I'm sorry to say, would not fare as well. The world without women would be vastly different than the world without men. Yes, indeed. It would not last long; men can only fight about so many things until they run out of things to fight about. Nothing would ever get accomplished - how could it? First, no one could find his car keys with so much stuff stacked and piled everywhere in the house. Governments would spiral into chaos and crumble. All the food would run out, of course, right after all the adult beverages. The world without women would last about 30 days. Nothing would get done, nothing would ever be found that is lost, and no one would go to work. Life as we know it would soon end, because all the men would spend all of their time and money looking for the women. The young lady at the bar caught the eye of a single man, and the hunt was on once again. Guess her idea of a world without men will have to wait. Our dining experience at the new micro-brewery was extremely enjoyable, and I would highly recommend it to all, but watch out for the Panther Ale - a pale ale which I think they should change the name of to Leopard Ale. One too many, and the next morning you'll be seeing spots before your eyes. [Rick Ryckeley is employed by the Fayette County Department of Fire and Emergency Services. He can be reached at firemanr@bellsouth.net.] |