Friday, May 2, 2003
Friday, May 2, 2003 |
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few well-placed licks accomplished a lot in my elementary school
By DAVID EPPS One of my favorite television programs is "King of the Hill." Yes, it's a cartoon, but it's still better that most of the fare that is served up on the tube these days. Anyway, the other day the story centered on Peggy Hill, a substitute teacher of Spanish, who got into serious hot water for spanking an unruly child. The kid in the story was in the fifth or sixth grade, Peggy got fired (then reinstated) and gained a reputation as "Paddling Peggy Hill." Everything ended well, but the show did bring up some old memories. Mrs. Ferris was the sixth grade-teacher at Dickson Elementary School in Kingsport, Tenn., when I arrived to start that memorable year. My mother also attended Dickson from about 1932 until about 1940 and then went on to Sullivan High School. Dickson was eventually closed and Sullivan became a middle school years later. I don't know how this came about but, somehow, Allen Castle and I entered into a contest that would get us into tons of trouble. I had never received many paddlings in school up to that point. In fact, I was probably one of the best-behaved boys in the school. And they did, indeed, paddle at Dickson Elementary. In fact, paddling seemed to be the first response, rather than the last resort. There was an added incentive to avoid being paddled after the discipline had been administered, the school would call the parents. Most of the dads I knew would administer a second spanking to the errant child that evening. A "double whammy," of sorts. With all that in mind, it seems, in retrospect, a terribly stupid move for Allen and I to compete in a "paddling contest." The rules were simple: the one with the most "licks" at the end of the year won the contest. Poor Mrs. Ferris never knew what hit her. Normally a very sweet and gentle woman, Allen and I pushed her to the limits of her tolerance. Although she tried "time out," removal of privileges, and writing sentences on the board, nothing seemed to work with Allen and me (and no, it's not supposed to be "Allen and I." It would drive Mrs. Ferris nuts to see how many people these days use such incorrect grammar). So, her patience exhausted, she would reach for the board. Most spankings were three licks, although when she thought I shot her in the behind with a pea shooter during class Joe Barker did that, not me she tore into my backside with five very hard and enthusiastic licks. Sometime after Easter break, Allen and I were tied with 54 licks. I think that's around the time she caught on that something was up. A week or so later, Allen and I were acting up in class, trying to break the tie, when she grabbed us and marched us to the vice principal's office. This was very, very bad news. Mr. Hendrix, in addition to being the vice principal, was the school's basketball coach, was built like a football lineman, and did not suffer fools gladly. It was reported that, if you ever wound up in Mr. Hendrix's office, all hope was lost. Without waiting for our explanation, Mr. Hendrix said, "I don't know what's up with you two, but I'm going to put an end to it. Bend over and grab your ankles." He then picked up the biggest paddle I had ever seen. It must have been a foot long, six or eight inches wide, and it had about a dozen holes drilled in it. When the first lick hit, I thought I was going to pass out. This was not Mrs. Ferris! He hit my bottom so hard, I thought he was going to knock my teeth out! Although I was sure the paddling had gone on for half an hour, he only gave me three licks. Then it was Allen's turn. After it was over, he said, "The next time you come in here, I'll double the number of licks. Now get back to class and behave." In an act of mercy, he didn't call our parents. That was the day I dropped out of the contest. Fifty-seven licks was enough for me. Of course, I guess I should have told Allen. Within two weeks, Allen was back in Mr. Hendrix's office and, if my memory is correct, he received the promised six licks. Allen won the contest and I didn't mind at all. I wouldn't receive another paddling in school for three years. That one, in the ninth grade at Ross N. Robinson Junior High, was administered at the hands of the study hall teacher who had had enough of my smart mouth. It was my last one. I'm not saying that teachers these days would have less discipline problems from unruly students if there was a Mr. Hendrix who could administer a few well-placed licks. But it sure did work for the teachers of Dickson Elementary School. [David Epps is rector of Christ the King Charismatic Episcopal Church on Ga. Highway 34 between Peachtree City and Newnan. He may be contacted at FatherDavidEpps@aol.com or at www.CTKCEC.org.]
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