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More Internet enrichment for growing your marriage By Dr. David L. Chancey
A mature-looking lady had an appointment with a marriage counselor and told him flat out, "I would like to divorce my husband." The counselor asked, "Well, do you have any grounds?" The lady replied, "Yes, we have almost five acres." The counselor scratched his head and said, "You don't understand. What I want to know is do you and your husband have a grudge?" The lady answered, "Actually, we don't, but we do have a nice carport." At this, the counselor shook his head and said, "Ma'am, I'm sorry, but I just don't see any reason why you should divorce your husband." The lady looked at the counselor and said, "It's just that the man can't carry on an intelligent conversation. We just can't communicate." Communication is a key ingredient for healthy relationships, especially in marriage. However, we need to understand that each day is a new adventure in the marriage journey. Because men and women often speak two different languages, you always have to be on your toes and work hard to understand each other. And, of course, we need all the help we can get. So, once again, the internet comes through with resources that can save a marriage. Someone is floating something around the e-junk-mail entitled "The Men's Thesaurus." In other words, we don't always say what we really mean. Will women ever understand men? When a man says, "It's a guy thing," he means, "There's no rational thought pattern connected with it." When he says, "Can I help with dinner?" he means, "Why isn't dinner already on the table?" When your husband says, "Uh huh, sure, honey," or "Yes, dear," he usually means absolutely nothing. It's sort of a conditioned response that keeps him almost out of the doghouse. When he says, "It would take too long to explain," he means, "I have no idea how this works." When he says, "Take a break, honey, you are working too hard," he means, "I can't hear the game over the vacuum." When the guy says, "You know how bad my memory is," he means, "I can remember the theme song to 'F Troop,' the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification number of every car I've ever owned, but somehow I forgot our anniversary." When he says, "I can't find it," he means, "It didn't fall into my outstretched hand, or jump out into my eyesight, so I'm completely clueless." When he says, "I heard you," he means, "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said." When he says, "You look terrific," he means, "Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving. Let's go." When he says, "I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do I," he means, "No one will ever see us alive again." Now, in an effort to help the guys, here are "rules for male-female relationships." 1. The female always makes the rules. 2. The rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification. 3. No male can possibly know all the rules. 4. If the female suspects the male has figured out all the rules, she must immediately change some or all of the rules. 5. The female is never wrong, no matter what. 6. If the female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding, which is the direct result of something the male did or said. 7. The female can change her mind at any given point in time. 8. The male must never change his mind without permission from the female. 9. The female has every right to be upset or angry at any time. It's a female thing. 10. The male must be calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset. 11. The toilet seat only goes one way. The sooner you learn to put it down, the sooner there will be peace in the bathroom. What I really want to know is, how were marriages enriched before the internet came along? (Dr. David L. Chancey is pastor, McDonough Road Baptist Church, Fayetteville, Georgia. The church family meets at 352 McDonough Road, just beyond the driver's license office, for Bible study at 9:45 a.m. and worship at 10:55 a.m.).
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