Friday, December 13 2002
Friday, December 13 2002 |
| Best
way to a man's heart is through his stomach; history proves it
By Rick Ryckeley There's an old saying, "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach." I for one believe that truer words have never been spoken. Not to be confused with another old saying, "The only thing bigger than a man's ego is his appetite." Well, I'm not too sure whether that last one is correct or not, but the way Mom cooked for Dad, the first certainly seemed so. If Mom had to tell Dad some bad news, she would first fix him a special meal. Bad news like one of us boys breaking his power tools, cutting the handles off his new hammers with a two-speed-electric-knife, getting bad grades on a test, or getting caught fighting down by the Great Magnolia Tree after school. Thinking back, seems like Mom was always fixing Dad a special meal. A good home-cooked meal made the bad things not seem so bad to Dad. The world would be a different place history would be rewritten and great wars could have been prevented if only certain men through out history had just gotten a good home-cooked meal every now and then like my dad. But don't take my word for it let's turn once again to the history books to prove my point. A good home-cooked meal is a great motivator for a man. A bad one is even more of a motivator. Take our friend Genghis Khan, for example; he went to war over a badly cooked steak. If it had been to his liking, the Great Khan may not have gone on his bloody rampage through out Europe and Asia in search for a properly cooked peace of meat. Yes, the search for good food will make some men march across entire continents others will cross icy cold rivers in the dead of winter. Look at the famous picture of General George Washington crossing the Delaware look at it closely. You will notice two things: George is standing up in the row boat his nose straight ahead slightly turned upward and his right hand is holding his belly. I contend that General Washington wasn't crossing the Delaware for the war effort. No, he was in fact crossing the river 'cause he smelled food! He was hungry, and his stomach was empty. Seems good old George had heard there was some Yankee pot roast to be had on the other side of the river, and he didn't want to miss out. After crossing, George had the best meal he'd eaten since the war started. With a belly full of Yankee pot roast, he won the war, went home and chopped down his cherry tree. Seems Martha made one heck of a cherry pie. A good home-cooked meal is indeed a great motivator, and so is homemade cherry pie. You don't believe my theory about food being the great motivator? Well, what about the great French General Napoleon Bonaparte? Every picture you see of him in the history books he's always holding his stomach with his right hand. Rumor has it he had ulcers, but I know differently. The short guy from France couldn't handle all that good, rich French cooking. Heck, all that heavy cream and rich desserts are bound to upset anybody's stomach if you eat too much of it. From the pictures of Napoleon I've seen, he didn't push away too many times from the dessert table. (Side note: The reason why dessert is spelt with two s's is that the s's stand for "two servings, please.") The Hundred Days War that Napoleon went on had nothing to do with his trying to regain control of the French government ... nothing at all. Napoleon and his army were marching up and down the French country side looking for a drug store that had some antacid. Seems the general ate some bad snails, and his belly was killing him. If Napoleon had just gotten a good home cooked meal, he would have stayed on the Island of Elbow and lived out the rest of his life as a fat, dumb, happy French guy. Still unconvinced and need more proof? For my final example, let's take a look at one of the greatest empires in history: the Roman Empire and one of its greatest men, Caesar August. Caesar's wife was really on him about his girth seems Caesar had a bit of a weight problem. That's why his wife would only let him eat salads for lunch that she herself fixed and deliver to him personally. If she was stopped or delayed in the hallways trying to deliver the salad, the lettuce would go bad. No air-conditioning in 44 B.C., ya know. That's why she could be heard yelling, "Make way for Caesar's salad," as she ran through the halls. Fed up after months of eating salads, Caesar had a great idea for his lunchtime dilemma. Caesar built a great coliseum and started the gladiator games during lunchtime. Seems Caesar had a couple of kosher friends that made great hot dogs. So remember this holiday season, you can buy your husband that new electric razor, spend lots of money on that expensive watch or spring for a new lap top computer, but what he really wants what he really needs what will really make him the happiest is one of your good hot, home-cooked meals. Oh yeah, and maybe a piece of cherry pie. Merry Christmas. [Rick Ryckeley is employed by the Fayette County Department of Fire and Emergency Services. He can be reached at firemanr@bellsouth.net.] |