Friday, December 6 2002

By Rick Ryckeley
Fayette County Fire & Emergency Services

Yes Ma'am, No Ma'am, Yes Sir, No Sir ­ these are but of few of the catch phrases that are missed on the young today. Manners ­ a thankless gift handed down from parents to children. Unfortunately, it seems few parents do nowadays.

When was the last time you saw anyone holding a door open for a lady, pulling her chair out before she sits down at the table, stand up as she leaves and stand back up as she returns to sit down? If you saw someone acting this way at the local restaurant, you would think the practice to be antiquated ­ a throw back to the past. (Funny, I've been called that myself lately.)

When we were young, Dad said, "Manners are something taken for granted 'till that special event when you're called on to use them. At that time you either have them or you don't." When you go to her house for dinner and meet The Parents for the first time ­ well, that would be one of those special events and if you're not sure whether you have good manners or not, a dinner date with her folks will remove all doubt.

Jenny was my sweetheart since she sat next to me in Ms. Newsome's third-grade class. Now, as a senior in high school, with just two weeks before graduation, I figured it was time to tell her. I finally got up enough nerve to ask her out to dinner and thought we would go to the new Italian restaurant in the middle of town. Jenny ­ she had another idea. Jenny wanted me to come over, meet The Parents and have dinner.

The Boy can take an elective next year in high school. I suggested he take home economics. When he was finished laughing he said, "Why would I take that? I don't need to learn how to sew." I tried to explain to him that home economics was much more than just sewing. Skills learned in home economics he will use the rest of his life. Not only does he need to learn how to sew, but he also needs to know how to cook, wash clothes and run a household on a budget.

Then the conversation ended like most of ours do lately by him saying and me answering, "I don't need to learn how to."

"Yes you do."

"No I don't."

"You'll use those skills the rest of your life."

"No I won't."

(Glad I never argued or disagreed with my Dad when I was a teenager.)

Jenny was considered somewhat of a gourmet cook back in high school ­ she had taken home economics level one for three years. That Saturday night, I found myself being glared at across the dinner table by her dad. Even before the food was on the table, I knew I was way out of my league.

On the table in front of me were a knife, spoon, plate, bowl, two glasses, and three forks. "Why three forks and two glasses," I thought, "if I only have one mouth?"

Jenny and her mom put the food on the table, filling up the little glasses with shrimp. Everyone else must not have liked them 'cause they used the smallest of the three forks. I use the largest fork, and when ask why, I told her Dad, "I really like shrimp." He just smiled and nodded his head.

We made small talk during dinner with me saying mostly, "Yes Sir, no Sir, yes Ma'am, no Ma'am." (Dad said grown-ups like hearing young folk say that. Well, I'm a grown-up now, and ya know we do like hearing young folk say that. It's too bad, though, not many do nowadays.)

Want some fun at your dinner table tonight? Just try getting your kids to use manners ­ it will be like World War III. You'll spend the entire meal saying, "Sit up straight, keep your elbows off the table, put your knife down before you eat with your fork, get your elbows off you knees and my favorite ­ don't talk with your mouth full." The answers you will get back from your kids will range from, "I'll never use this," "This is stupid," and my favorite, "Daaaaaaaaad." You may lose many battles at the dinner table over manners, but rest assured if you teach them well, you'll eventually win the war. I know, years later I thanked my parents for teaching me proper table manners.

After dinner Jenny and I went for a walk. As we walked down the sidewalk (back then all streets had sidewalks), I made sure that she walked on the outside and I on the inside next to the street. She asked me why. "It's the proper way." I said, "If a car comes by and splashes mud or water, it will cover me and not you." She was impressed with my thoughtfulness - that is, until it started to rain. It was then we found out I had forgotten the umbrella. We ran back to her house where she gave me a hug, said thank you and the night ended.

At school on Monday, she told me the reason for the small fork was to use it to eat the shrimp ­ that her folks really liked all of the yes Sirs, and yes Ma'ams. Guess Dad was right; manners are something you take for granted; you either have them or you don't.

That was the only date I had with Jenny; I heard she's married now with three kids and a husband who drives a Mercedes. Bet he knows how to use a shrimp fork.

[Rick Ryckeley is employed by the Fayette County Department of Fire and Emergency Services. He can be reached at firemanr@bellsouth.net.]

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